‘Oh no, I am. It was just a surprise.’
Freddie was gazing at her sceptically.
‘I think it’s great,’ she protested. ‘Honestly. I’m happy for them.’
‘But?’ Freddie nudged.
‘But I’m sick of being happy for other people,’ she said. ‘I want to be happy formyselffor a change. I want other people to be happy forme,’ she wailed.
‘I know,’ Freddie said, pulling her head onto his shoulder and ruffling her hair.
She smiled, grateful to him for not making her feel more ashamed of herself than she already was. ‘It just dredges up all those always-the-bridesmaid feelings. And there’s the wedding to freak out about, of course.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, you know who’ll be best man.’
‘Oh Christ, of course! Shit!’ He thought for a moment. ‘Will he be there tonight?’
‘No. He’s still away on tour with Walking Wounded.’
‘Thank God for that. So, when are Lorcan and Carmen sashaying down the aisle?’
‘I was so stunned I didn’t think to ask.’
‘Well, look on the bright side. Carmen hasn’t said that she wants you to be bridesmaid.’
‘True,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself.’
‘No – if anyone should be feeling sorry for themselves, it’s me. Never the bridesmaid, never the bride!’ Freddie sighed tragically.
‘You know you’ll be bridesmaid at my wedding.’
‘Really?’ Freddie perked up.
‘Of course. But I wouldn’t get too excited about it, if I were you. At this rate, evenyou’llbe married before I am.’
* * *
The Horseshoe Bar was heaving when Kate and Freddie arrived. Lorcan waved at them and they fought their way to him through the crowds.
Everyone was there: Tom and Rachel, Conor and Helen, Grace and Jack, all surrounding the happy couple. They seemed in high spirits, but Kate couldn’t help noticing that, with the exception of Lorcan and Carmen, they seemed rather uncomfortable when she joined them, their eyes sliding away after over-bright hellos. Even Rachel looked ashamed.
Oblivious of the atmosphere, Lorcan jumped up to greet her and Freddie.
‘Congratulations!’ Kate threw her arms around him.
‘Thanks.’ He grinned down at her, so happy that all Kate’s gloom melted away.
As he moved towards Freddie, she turned to Carmen, who looked lit from within. ‘Congratulations!’ She hugged her. ‘I’m really pleased for you.’
She and Freddie sat on the seats Lorcan had somehow managed to save, and he poured some champagne from one of the bottles that nestled in an ice bucket beside him.
‘So, when’s the wedding?’ she asked Lorcan, as Freddie cooed over Carmen’s ring.
‘New Year’s Eve.’ Lorcan grinned.
‘Oh my God!’ Kate gasped. ‘So soon!’
