I flinched inwardly, remembering the venom dripping from Tyler's voice as he'd given Nash permission to have sex with me.Stick your dick in her if you want, but you're not going to pay me off so I'll get out of the way.Maybe this wasn't about me at all. Maybe this was about Nash.
A knot of disgust hardened in my stomach. I'd picked a winner of a husband. He didn't care who I slept with as long as I was still his wife. Like I was his toy to lend out.You're my wife. For better or worse remember? Well, this is worse. And you're not going anywhere. You want a fight? Game on.
Yeah, I'd picked a winner. Getting married had been the easy part. Tyler had made it clear that as impossible as our marriage had become, leaving was going to be as difficult as he could make it. I scanned the crowd one more time, and I had to ask myself who I was really looking for.
Was it Tyler? Or was I hoping–
No.
Definitely no.
Not going there. I shoved that thought far, far into the back of my brain, just as I had every day since my wedding.
Nash was not going to show up at the airport, professing his love for me like the hero at the end of a rom-com. Why would he? We weren't anything to each other.
A lightning quick stab of agony sliced through my chest, stealing my breath. I forced air into my lungs. It hurt, but it was true. Nash and I weren't anything to each other. Especially not now.
Nash wasn't here. I'd left him asleep, laying on his stomach, one knee hitched to the side, the sheet pooled around his waist to reveal his muscled back, his broad shoulders, the wave of dark hair falling over his stubbled cheek. I squeezed my eyes shut, banishing the image from my mind.
It was a mistake. It could never happen again.
Nash had saved me. More than once. I wouldn't repay him by screwing up his life any more than I already had. I was leaving Tyler to save myself, but dissolving our marriage would drive wedges into his family. Wedges between Tyler and Claudia. Deeper wedges between Tyler and Nash. And it was all my fault. I wouldn't make it worse by pursuing my soon-to-be ex-husband's brother.
Assuming Nash wanted to be pursued. He'd gotten what he wanted. It was pretty arrogant of me to think he'd want more. I didn't have anything to offer a man like Nash, except complications and trouble.
A disembodied voice announced my flight, and the mass of people around me stood in rough unison. The air filled with the rustling of bags and murmuring voices. I stepped through the door onto the plane, my heart and head flying in different directions, grateful to be leaving New York, leaving Tyler, and anguished that my brief time with Nash was over.
We'd never have a reason to see each other again. Not now. And that was as it should be. Of course, it was. I just had to keep reminding myself. I was on to a new phase in my life. A new beginning. There was no room for the past or dreams about things that couldn't happen. I should be happy. Right?
Should be, but wasn't. Instead, I was exhausted and depressed, and deep down the only place I wanted to be was back in that bed, curled into Nash, body wrung out and my heart finally at peace.
No, Parker, I lectured.You have to move on. There's nothing for you here.I checked that I had my things, and rolled my carry-on to the end of the line, telling myself that all I wanted was to get on that plane and go home.
Most of that morning passed in a daze of flights–New York to Atlanta, Atlanta to Asheville, followed by the drive from Asheville to Sawyers Bend. Fueled by caffeine and drained from a sleepless night, I didn't notice much. I just wanted to get home, take a long, hot shower and cry myself to sleep.
Unfortunately, I didn't reach Heartstone Manor until mid-afternoon. Griffen was waiting when I walked in the door from the garage.
"Parker!" When I met his green eyes, they were bright with relief. I wasn't used to having anyone other than Claudia looking out for me. But here was Griffen, the big brother I'd missed all those years, and he'd been waiting for me to come home. He'd worried. He was glad to see me. The emotion in his eyes settled around me like a hug before he made it to the end of the hall and enclosed me in his arms. Griffen always gave good hugs.
I squeezed back as he asked, "You okay?"
"Okay, just tired." I didn't want to talk about New York. Griffen wasn't letting me off the hook that easily.
"Come back to my office. We'll get some food in you, and you can tell me how it went."
My stomach sank, and my cheeks flushed. I definitely wasn't telling Griffen everything about my trip. I didn't miss Griffen signaling over my shoulder to Savannah, our all-knowing, all-powerful housekeeper.
"Have you eaten yet?" she asked, head cocked to the side, strawberry-blond curls escaping her tight bun to riot around her face, her sharp eyes taking in my pale cheeks, the circles under my eyes. My empty stomach prodded me to shake my head,No. "I'll send something up," she said with a nod before disappearing down to the kitchens.
"I'm going to run upstairs and change, wash my face," I told Griffen, abruptly desperate to get out of this suit. "I'll be in your office in ten minutes."
Griffen gave me another squeeze and kissed my cheek. "Fair enough, I'll just carry your bag up."
I was too exhausted to argue. Griffen hefted my carry-on and jogged up the back stairs to the family wing without another word, setting the bag down on its wheels at the end of the hall. "See you in ten."
"I won't be long," I promised, my stomach growling now that I'd thought of food. In my room, I pulled my suitcase to the closet and caught sight of myself in the mirror.
My blond hair in a tight twist, the navy suit–I hated everything I saw. Fingers trembling, I pulled at the buttons of my jacket, at my silk blouse, yanked at the tab on the back of my skirt, shoving it off. Shoving it all off and leaving it on the floor until I stood in front of the mirror in a plain white bra and cotton underwear and just stared at myself.
