“Tell me we can stay together without getting married.”
“Why won’t you marry me?”he asked in frustration.“What’s so wrong with that?”
She shook her head.Her long hair swayed back and forth on her shoulders.“You don’t get it.Look me in the eye and tell me you trust me enough to stay without the commitment of marriage.”
He couldn’t.He didn’t.
“Adam Barrington, I love you.It’s taken me nine years to figure that out.I’m going to prove it to you, too.”She folded her arms in front of her chest.“I’m going to live next door to you.I’m going to love you.I’m going to tempt you into my bed.When you can risk my leaving enough to confess your feelings—when you can tell me you love me, I’ll marry you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Adam sat on the old wicker chair in the corner of Jane’s front porch.He should go home, he told himself.But he couldn’t.Not yet.
It wasn’t the rain that kept him in place.The storm had passed, leaving only a few sprinkles.It was his personal band of demons that kept him close.He couldn’t bear the thought that, in a matter of hours, he’d lost them both.The pain, a hollow emptiness inside that seemed to be sucking in his soul, grew with each breath.He felt as if he would disappear in the void.He leaned his head back against the chair and sighed.The truth wasn’t that eloquent.He wouldn’t disappear.He’d keep on going, day after day, knowing he’d lost the two people he cared about most.
He shouldn’t have proposed.He realized that now.But he’d panicked about Jane hating him as Billie did.Marriage had seemed an easy solution.Jane had seen right through him.
He shook his head.Damn, she’d grown into a beautiful woman.Not just on the outside—as much as he adored her body close to his—but in her heart.She’d become independent andcapable.Those fears about losing herself in another person wouldn’t matter to her anymore.She’d conquered them.And him.
Give me strength, he prayed silently.And then asked—for what?How did he want to be strong?Did he want to walk away and not regret what he’d lost?Or was he looking for the power to follow in Jane’s footsteps and conquer his fears?
The front door creaked open.Adam half rose from his chair.But instead of Jane’s willowy form, he saw Billie stepping cautiously on the damp porch.
“Billie?”
She turned to look at him.The lamp above the door cast a harsh pool of light.The child looked pale and drawn.
“Adam?Is that you?”she whispered.
“Yes.What are you doing up?”
“Oh, Adam!”
She ran across the wooden floor and flung herself at him.He grabbed her as she leapt and pulled her next to him.
“I’m sorry,” she said, then sniffed.“I’m sorry I was mean.”
“Hush.”He held her tightly, her small head nestling against his chest.Inside, the pain around his heart eased some, allowing him to draw a full breath.She felt warm and soft in his arms, and smelled of sleep and little girl.He shut his eyes as a burning began behind the lids.
“I kept waking up,” she whispered, then tilted her head to look at him.“I had a dream that you really went away.I woke up scared.That’s why I came to find you.”She wrapped her arms around his neck.“I’m glad you didn’t go home.”
“My home is with you,” he said thickly, touching his cheek to hers.
“I don’t hate you.”
“Thank you for that.”
“Are you mad at me?”Her lower lip trembled.
“No, Billie.”
“You won’t go away like in my dream?”
“No,” he said, recognizing that they shared the same fears.“I promise I’ll stay with you.”
“Forever?”
It was like looking into a mirror, he thought, staring into eyes that were so much like his own.“Forever,” he answered.
