I get lost at one point because I can’t remember which street I’m supposed to turn at, but I ask a lady that looks nice and she tells me which way to go.
Sadie’s waiting at a table in Bryant Park. As soon as she sees me she gets up to hug me. Then she steps back to take a look at me, noticing everything. The suede coat, a new one she hasn’t seen before, with a soft fringe that hangs from the sleeves. The dress, even more beautiful than the last one. The fleur-de-lis diamond necklace. The to-die-for knee-high boots that are half Italian high fashion and half Nashville. But Sadie’s more riveted by my eyes, which I know are both overwhelmed and starry. My face, both warm from the memories and cold from the futureI’ve just walked into. “Wow, girl. The Dallas Wilder transformation is complete.”
All I feel is a hard-shelled nothingness. It’s been my default for a long time, after all. Dallas somehow melted away the fortress wall with his million-watt sex appeal. But now, my forcefield has reassembled itself, clunking firmly back into place. “And this is as complete as it’s going to get.”
“What?” Sadie’s stunned.
“I left him. It’s over.”
“Oh my god, Ami. Sit down. Tell me what happened.”
I sit, noticing it’s a cute park, surrounded by tall buildings but with a quaint vibe. Fairy lights have been strung through the trees and from the overhead beams at the bistro-style cafes. There are kiosks offering coffee and desserts. “He’sthe billionaire who owns my hotel. He’s owned it this whole time and he never told me.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. He hid that from me this whole time.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Maybe because he didn’t want me to know it washimwho put me through as much hell as any of those lawyers or debt collectors did. He forced the price so low it gave me no choice but to go bankrupt. He’s an unfeeling, cold-hearted devil, that’s what he is.” It was the only offer we had, but still.
“Thatasshole. I knew he couldn’t be trusted.” She takes my hand across the table. “At least you didn’t get in too deep, honey. It’s only been a month. Not even. You had some fun, got spoiled for once, cashed in your V-card in style and with gusto, and now you can move on.”
Oh but I am in deep. Potentially very, very deep.
I don’t tell Sadie about that particular detail. I need to confirm it one way or the other before I start panicking. Most likely it’s fine. When I briefly saw that nurse at the free clinic and I told her my periods were irregular, she said the pill could potentially regulate them. She also said I should get a check-up to find out why my cycle is so sporadic because it’s not normal and it could potentially mean there’s an underlying health issue. But the free clinic closed. And I don’t have health insurance. That was just another thing I lost when I lost everything.
Maybe I can’t evenhavebabies.
There goes the hopeful little fantasy of having your blue-and-green-eyed children running around your hotel, like you used to wish for. Of having a real family for the very first time.
Anyway, it’s better this way. The dream is dead.
“Look at the bright side,” says Sadie. “Now you can come hang out with me.” She smiles sympathetically. “I’m sorry this happened, Ami. But maybe it’s meant to be. Hewaskind of controlling and possessive of you, just saying. I was wondering if he was ever going to let you out of your gilded cage. He’s obviously some kind of maniac. You’re better off without him.”
“I know.”But I love him. Correction: I loved him.
Now, I’m glad I couldn’t say it to him. He hasn’t broken my heart, a) because it was already broken, and b) because if you never tell them you love them then your heartcan’tbe broken. I didn’t write the rules but there must be some.
Sadie’s phone dings and she checks the incoming message. “Saskia and her friends are already at the club. Let’s grab a cab. Tonight’s on me. We’re going to hit the town and have somefun. There are plenty of fish in the sea, girlfriend, and you look unfairly hot with your new makeover. Every man in New York is going to fall head over heels in love with you.”
“I’m done with love. I don’t think I’m cut out for it.”
But Sadie’s flagging down a cab and we’re on our way to the East Village night life.
40
The fuckingmeeting went on too long. Those fucking fuckers wouldn’t shut the fuck up about their fucking projections that were so fucking far off it’s laughable. Which I explained to them—possibly not as patiently as I could have. It’s a miracle I didn’t throttle someone. In the end, I was very close to ripping up their fucking proposal and telling them I didn’t give a flying fuck about their moronic concerns. I’m right, they’re fucking wrong, and that’s all there is to it. In the end they might have realized how much money they were about to lose if they pushed me too far. They were beginning to detect my quickly-shortening fuse. They finally accepted my terms and we wrapped things up.
As soon as I get back to the apartment, I can sense immediately that something is wrong. Her presence is so shimmery and wide-open, pouring its light into every dark corner, I can tell instantly she’s not here.
I search for her anyway, barreling into the bedroom like a rampaging bull. “Amelie?”
Her phone is on the bedside table.
She must be here.
I check the bathroom. The walk-in closet. The balcony. The kitchen.
