I’ll never stop having regrets
Wishing I had you instead
Skyler hasn’t noticed him, too focused on whatever it is he’s doing with the food. So Trevor continues standing there like an idiot. Skyler’s high voice blending with his own deeper one is surreal. They’ve sang together a million times before. He knows they sound wonderful together. But this is different. This isn’t Boys Will Be Boys. This is Trevor’s song. And Skyler’s singing it like he knows every word by heart.
Now the whole world is watching you shine
And I just wanna tell ‘em you’re mine
But I couldn’t do that before
And it’s just not true anymore
Trevor finally comes to his senses. “Oh my god, stop. What are you doing?”
Skyler looks up, appearing only the tiniest bit surprised at being watched and making Trevor wonder for a second if he actually knew Trevor was there. “Why?” he says casually. “I love this one.”
He would. Because it’s about him. Of course, pretty much all of Trevor’s songs are about him, aren’t they? But “I’ll Never Stop” is one of his most self-loathing songs. And really? Skyler lovesthatone? It’s like he’s trying to remind Trevor that heshouldbe sorry.
The song continues to play as they gaze at each other from across the room. Trevor struggles to find words.
Then Skyler sets down the knife in his hand and bites his lip, tugging it into his mouth. When he releases it, he says, “Um. When I say I love it, I didn’t mean I love that you were beating yourself up about the past or anything. I just liked the idea of you wishing you could change things and have me back.”
Trevor’s brain might be malfunctioning. He’s thinking a lot of words now, but they’re not coming out of his mouth.
“But don’t worry,” Skyler rushes on. “I know you wrote it a long time ago, and you don’t still…” He shakes his head. “I’ll turn it off.” He cuts the music, but the sudden silence in the room is even louder.
Why the hell is it that the two of them have never been able to be anything other than achingly honest with each other? It takes all of Trevor’s self-control right then to not tell Skyler that hedoes. He does still wish it.
Skyler picks up his knife again and resumes slicing like the last few minutes didn’t happen. “Dinner’s not ready yet. You’re supposed to be swimming.”
“I got bored.”
Truthfully, as incredible as the infinity pool is, he came here to spend time with Skyler, not his pool. He should probably say that. But he doesn’t.
“I just need a few more minutes,” Skyler says, turning to the stove to attend to whatever’s cooking in the huge pot. “You can watch, but I’m going to need you to remain a safe distance away.”
“Very funny.”
“Can I ask you something?” Skyler says. Thankfully his back is still to Trevor, so he doesn’t see the flash of panic cross Trevor’s face before he gives a hum of consent. “Why haven’t you made another album?”
There are plenty of ways Trevor could answer that. He could tell Skyler he’s tired of making music, or he felt like he let everybody down when his first album didn’t sell very well. Or he doesn’t think the world needs another album of nothing but his thinly veiled lovesick confessions for Skyler. But right now, it feels like the most honest answer is, “I don’t know.”
Skyler grabs a couple of shallow bowls from a cabinet. The movement when he reaches for them causes his sweater to ride up a few inches, revealing some of the tattoos on his back. Trevor sucks in a breath, willing himself to remain still when what he really wants to do is charge forward and pull the sweater off him completely, exposing them all.
He watches as Skyler dishes out the food, and then accepts the glass of wine he offers before realizing Skyler isn’t pouring one for himself. He almost comments on it but decides not to. Alcohol might be a touchy subject for them.
They carry their food into the next room, where they sit across from each other at one end of an unnecessarily long table. Skyler takes his hair out of the bun, and as the curls fall over his shoulders, Trevor can’t help but stare. It’s so long now. It was relatively long when they were in the band, but not like this.
He feels a sharp pang of sorrow for his past self who never got the satisfaction of wrapping these dark curly locks around his fist and tugging hardto hear this gorgeous man moan. Granted, he did plenty of tugging on Skyler’s shorter hair. But still.
“This smells delicious,” he says, trying to clear his head of any indecent thoughts.
“Thanks,” Skyler says. And then they fall into a quiet stretch while they eat.
Skyler didn’t push the issue when he asked Trevor about making another album, but now, oddly, Trevor feels inclined to talk about it.
“You know,” he says, his fork slicing easily through a tender piece of meat in his bowl, “it’s kind of funny because I never exactly wanted to be in a band in the first place. But then afterward, when I was starting my solo career, I missed being able to do it all with you guys. I missed Oli dumping his water bottle down the back of my shirt while I was trying to sing. I missed us all goofing around, and I missed having other people to lean on.
