Page 18 of My Ghost

When I aged out of foster care, I ended up in a group home that was run-down and crowded, but it was still better than some of the foster homes I’d gone through.The group home was where I first touched a computer.I only wanted to change an exam grade I had butchered because I had been too busy with part-time shifts in a fast-food job and mandatory youth workshops.I didn’t even know what I was doing but the moment my fingers flew over the keys and the system bent to my will, something clicked inside me.For the first time in my life, I was in control.I had power, even if only in cyberspace, and it changed my life.

Although I had the ability to cheat my way into a scholarship by the time I went to college, I didn’t.I worked hard, honing my skills on the side like a hobby because it didn’t feel right using them like an easy way out.What had felt right, though, was going to vet school, because animals make sense to me.They don’t lie, they don’t leave.Loving them is easy, easier than people.

That’s where I met Lily.

At first, I thought she was only being polite.She is that kind of person who is genuinely warm and generous.She is quiet and magnetic, drawing people in without even trying.But Lily didn’t just offer a smile or make small talk.She saw right through the version of me I showed the world, the loud, sunny, untouchable girl who smiled too brightly to hide her scars.And still, she stayed.More importantly, shechoseme.We started as roommates then we became friends.And somewhere along the way, she became my family, my sister.She was steadfast by my side through study and saw every piece of me, even the ones I never meant to show.

She found me on my computer when she walked into my room one night when I was too engrossed in the lines of code dancing across the screen to notice what was happening around me.She understood right away, but she didn’t recoil in contempt.She was genuinely curious, asking questions, eyes lighting up in awe.“Show me,” she said, looking at my screen like it was magic.And I did.From that moment on, she had blindly supported me on my side hobby, never judging once.She accepted me despite my shadows.She became my rock and I would burn the world to protect her.

But right now, sitting alone with my heart cracked open again, I feel like that little girl on the couch all over again.Unwanted, unpicked.Unloved.And I hate that someone like Matteo could make me feel this way.

I close my eyes and take a shaky breath.No more of this.I’ve spent enough of my life aching for people who didn’t choose me.

I am not that little girl anymore.I am strong now.I am in control.And damn Matteo for making me feel this small and miserable.But never again, I vow.I won’t give him or anyone this power over me again.

I wipe my cheeks, square my shoulders, and force myself to my feet to shuffle to the bathroom.I brush my teeth then gulp down a glass of cold water, my gaze catching on the mirror.

The woman staring back looks nothing like me—her blonde hair is a mess of tangles, violet eyes swollen and red, lips pressed into a tight, grim line.

“Who is this picture of misery?”I whisper, squinting at my reflection.“Pull yourself together, Erin.You’re stronger than this.”

By the time I’ve thrown on a new pair of leggings and a hoodie, I feel more grounded.I grab my phone and type out a quick message to Lily.

Hey, I had a little too much champagne last night.Gonna skip brunch if that’s okay.

xoxo.

I don’t wait for a reply.Instead, I sit down cross-legged on the living room sofa, flip open my secure laptop and let my fingers fly over the keyboard.Soon, the world narrows to lines of white code dancing over a black screen.The ache in my chest dulls beneath the thrum of purpose and the hypnotic rhythm of my fingers clacking over the keys.

All day, I bury myself in the grid.I start browsing message boards, encrypted groups and remote corners of the darknet like a woman possessed.Illegal weapons shipments, trafficking alerts, crypto scams disguised as humanitarian funds—if there’s something shady happening in this city, I find it and I make damn sure someone pays.

I focus on the most heinous, I gather every piece of evidence I can and wipe it clean of any clue that could lead back to me.Then I send it through a maze of fake accounts and secure connections before I drop it anonymously to the authorities.

It’s not about justice, not today.

Today, it’s about control, about taking back the reins.

I may have lost myself for one night, but today, I remember who I am.

Chapter Twelve

Matteo

The sun is too bright, the voices too loud.I shift in my chair, eyes scanning the sunny terrace where the brunch is in full swing.The white linen tablecloths ripple in the breeze, cups clink against saucers and silverware glints under the light.Everyone looks happy and relaxed.

Except me.

I keep glancing at the entrance, waiting, hoping.But she’s not coming, obviously.

I casually ask Lily about Erin, trying to keep my voice flat and my expression unreadable.“She had too much champagne,” Lily says with a soft smile, brushing it off.“She texted me this morning.Said she’ll skip and come next Sunday instead.”

Too much champagne.I exhale slowly, trying not to let the guilt consume me.

I don’t know what I expected, maybe that she’d pretend nothing happened and come anyway.Maybe that she’d flash one of those too-bright smiles and keep up the illusion we were nothing more than two strangers orbiting the same world.But she’s not here.And the empty chair at her place feels like a spotlight aimed right at my shame.

Across from me, Luc is saying something.I nod absently, then realize the table has gone quiet.

“You good, man?”Luc leans closer, lowering his voice.“You seem…off.”