Page 24 of My Ghost

“What happened with Erin?”

I stay quiet.Not because I don’t want to answer but because I don’t have one.

“She’s acting weird,” he says after a beat.“Not talking to you, not even looking at you.”

“I fucking noticed.Thanks, Sherlock,” I snarl.

He doesn’t flinch.“So do you know why she’s acting like that?Does it have something to do with you being uncharacteristically growly?”He turns to me and studies me in silence for a beat, then speaks quietly.“You’re not usually like this, Teo.”

I stare out at the garden, jaw tight.“She’s not for me.”

There is a long pause, before he asks, “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”I take another sip of whiskey.

He watches me quietly, too smart to push when I look like I might punch something.

Then he exhales.“Shit, man.Sorry.”

He claps me on the shoulder once, the gesture solid and grounding.After a beat he walks back inside, leaving me with my drink, my silence and the acute ache of something I’m not ready to name.

The garden is quiet, except for the distant hum of voices drifting from the house and the soft clink of glasses.I grip the tumbler in my hand, but the whiskey has done nothing to burn her out of my system.

She’s inside, probably laughing.That sound, bright and sunny, used to be fucking mine.Well, not really mine, but it used to find me like a beam of light filtering through the leaves in a forest.

Now I watch her from a distance, shut out from her warmth and her light.I watch the way she leans in when someone talks, animated and present.Her whole face lights up when she smiles.And every time she does, something ugly coils tighter in my chest.

She hasn’t looked at me once today.Not once.And it’s driving me fucking insane.

I catch myself staring, again, and drag my eyes away.Jealousy is a sharp, mean thing in my blood, irrational and primal.I know it’s not my place to be, because I pushed her away.

I made it clear that there would never be anything between us.So why does it feel like I’m the one left forsaken?Why did that kiss feel like drowning and breathing at the same time?

I rake a hand through my hair, jaw tight.I need to get my head on straight.I have other problems, bigger ones.Like the Ghost.The bastard hasn’t made a move since the breach, no probes, no signal, nothing.And it frustrates the fuck out of me, this endless wait for him to slip up.

I’ve thrown everything at the hunt.I’ve set traps, laced code with silent alarms, retraced every possible breach.Something’s coming, I can feel it in my bones.

And maybe if I throw myself deep enough into the search, I’ll stop seeing Erin every time I close my eyes.

But right now, standing alone in this damn garden while the rest of the world moves on, all I feel is the absence of her.And I don’t know why it guts me.

Chapter Fifteen

Erin

The past few weeks were surprisingly light.

I settled into a normal and comforting rhythm.The clinic didn’t need me full-time, so I picked up hours here and there, not even pretending to be useful anymore.I took to long walks through the city with Lily, window shopping and laughing until our cheeks hurt.

Boston in the fall is glowing, with golden leaves and cozy café windows fogged with warmth.It is the kind of city life I never thought I’d get to like.But right now, it fills me with softness, light and a purpose.

I even went out a few nights.Nothing wild, just bars with low lighting, good drinks and casual talk with strangers.Sure, I flirted and smiled, enjoying the admiring looks and the light conversations.But I never let it go further.

Not because of Matteo, nope, definitely not.That part is done.Over.I had boxed it up, labeled it ‘delusion’ and shoved it onto a shelf in the back of my mind where it belongs.Simple and clean.I don’t need more complications.

I am fine, better than fine even.

When I see Matteo at Sunday brunch or whenever our group goes out, it doesn’t sting anymore.I am even able to look at him now, giving him a polite smile when required.But that’s all I do.I don’t talk or laugh with him because I can’t afford to come close to him again.My battered heart won’t be able to mend if it breaks once more, so I keep it in the safe zone, far away from the man who has the power to shatter it with just one look.