I don’t look at him, pushing a plate beneath the spray. “There’s nothing to be subtle about.”
“Right.”
I swipe at the plate with a cloth, continuing to ignore him.
“She could stay, you know,” he says after a beat. “Looks like it’s all working out pretty well. There doesn’t seem to be a reason for her to?—”
“No.”
The word comes out sharper than intended, but I don’t bother to apologize.
“You have a good reason why not?” He asks after a moment.
“Yup.”
“Care to share?”
“For one, this was only ever a temporary arrangement.” I turn and grab another plate off the stack. “We agreed on one month.”
“Fuck agreements.”
“For two,” I continue, ignoring him. “I don’t need an assistant.”
“I think she’s proven that's not true.” Holt’s trying not to laugh, and it’s pissing me off.
“And, for three,” I add, gritting my teeth. “I don’t want her here.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, we both know they’re a lie. “I don’t share my space, Holt. Not with anyone. I’m not bringing anyone into my life. Not for any reason. Not again.” I shake my head, reminding myself exactly why I chose all those years ago to lock myself down. I almost ruined Cheryl with my…well, with the man I’d become. I won’t do it again. Not for anyone. Not for any reason.
Holt’s voice is calm and even when he responds. “That’s not what this is.”
“That’s exactly what this is,” I snap. “You let someone in, let them get comfortable and start relying on you, and the next thing you know…no.” I take a deep breath, centering myself. “I’m not going to do that to her. I can’t.”
“That was a long time ago, Luke.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“It should.”
I shake my head, my jaw tense. “I’m not built for forever. I never have been.”
My old friend is quiet for a moment as he examines me. After a moment, he blows out a breath. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Luke. Not anymore.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” He moves his hand around the room, as if to encompass everything he has. Everything that’s different from what he ever expected it to be. He studies me for another second and just nods again. “Right, that’s what I thought.”
Chapter Thirteen
Luke
The drive back is quiet.
I’m focusing on the snowy road in the dark, she’s staring out the window into the blackness, a frown on her face.
I want to ask her what she’s thinking. I want to tell her not to worry. I want to reassure her that everything’s going to be okay.
Hell, I want to pull her into my arms and kiss away the frown until her pretty smile is back on her face, where it should be.
Instead, I don’t say a word. Mostly because I’m afraid of what Iwillsay if I open my mouth.
