When I go inside my apartment, I lean against the door, letting out a breath.
What a wonderful and confusing day.
There is no doubt in my mind anymore that Sebastian is feeling this just as much as I am.
But where I want to push and move forward, I sense his hesitation.
And I can’t really blame him for it either.
I know he’s worried about my brother, even though he hasn’t told me so himself; it’s clear every time his name comes up.
He gets this clouded expression and goes into deep thought.
Therefore, I’m left to flirting, subtle touches, and the hope of Sebastian losing that precious self-control, preferably before I board the plane back to America.
I’ve decided he must be the one to take the first real step.
Luke will always love me; I’m his sister.
Sebastian probably feels like he could be sacrificing his friendship with Luke if he crosses the line with me.
I honestly don’t know how my brother would react.
He’s been teasing me from our youth about crushing on his best friend, but it’s always been this harmless joke.
This doesn’t feel like a joke anymore. It feels like so much more.
I’m nervous thinking about his reaction if anything were to happen between us, and I’m sure it’s even worse for Sebastian.
Meaning, he’s going to need to be the one who takes the final step.
I will be pushing him, though, just like I did when I gave him a small goodnight kiss.
I didn’t dare to stay and linger to catch his reaction, running out the door as quickly as I could.
My phone rings, and I smile when I see it’s Mira. We haven’t been able to talk much since I got here.
“Hi, girl. How is sunny Texas?” Mira is working on a project about an American football player who plays in Houston, Texas.
“Hi, Lily! It’s good—a lot warmer than Seattle, which is nice. How is London?”
Warmer weather does seem nice, but I’ve quickly grown used to the gloomy weather of London.
“It’s so good. Cloudy most days, and some rain, but I don’t mind.”
The jetlag has finally been beaten, and my internal clock is all synched up.
We talk about our projects and how they’re progressing. Even though our data collection runs for six weeks, we’ll have six more weeks to complete our paper. Then we’ll have our graduation, and our studies will be done.
I’m no closer to knowing what I’ll be doing once that ends, but I try not to worry too much about it.
What I do know is that I want more hands-on experience in this field, as the project with Sebastian already is fuelling me so much more than reading about the dynamics in a book.
Hearing from an athlete about how he experiences stress, nerves, routine, and the various aspects has been informative.
Finally, I’m able to hear more about this from the practical side.
When our data collection ends, we’ll have a few classes and meetings with our supervisors, but we’ve talked about booking a trip somewhere warm where we can write while getting a nice tan.
