‘I’m really not sure about this one.’
I scanned the canteen, people-watching, while I patiently waited for Lucy to finish downing an entire can of Irn Bru before answering. ‘Sorry. I’m so hungover. I had dinner with Kyle’s parents. They’re huge whisky drinkers, and when in Rome . . .’ She quietly burped, trying not to breathe over me.
‘What’s the problem with Oliver’s request? Me and Kyle do that all the time. Usually he’ll pull back the duvet while I’m having a play and join in. It’s very rarely scripted.’
‘I don’t know. I think that it’s the fact he’ll be looking at everything. Every stretch mark, every wobble. My stupid solo sex face. I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate. What if he wants to cum at the same time and I’m still miles away? Fake it?’
‘Can I have your water?’
‘What? Oh yeah, go for it.’
She mumbled about the evils of whisky and finished off the rest of the bottle. ‘Don’t fake it. We’ve had this talk. And don’t overthink it, either.’
‘You’re no help today,’ I muttered, ‘though I’m not sure what help you can give me, to be fair. Just show me your pretty engagement ring again and we’ll say no more.’
She lifted her left hand, displaying the large diamond on a rose gold band.
‘It’s never not impressive,’ I admitted. ‘Fuckssake, you get asked for your hand in marriage and I get asked to wank. Where’s my fucking ring?’
She laughed into the water bottle, choking herself in the process. ‘You get a Molly, I get a ring. Now, fetch me some more water before I dehydrate completely, please.’
Friday March 31st
I’ve taken a few days off for Easter because the nurseries are closed until the fucking 18thof April now and Maggie is taking her real children to Disneyland Paris until the 5th. Oliver has the long weekend, which is nice, but he’ll be skipping back to work and leaving me with a child who’ll be 95% chocolate by then. I’ll need to think of some fun stuff for her to do. God, I hope the soft play centres are open and that they’ve started selling wine.
April
Sunday April 2nd
We all went to Kelvingrove Park today. Oliver was on a mission to teach Molly how to ride a bike without stabilisers. Being the first Sunday of the nursery break, every bored parent in Glasgow had the same idea, dragging themselves behind their kids who ran screaming towards the swings. I let Oliver and Molly go ahead as I ate some chocolate I’d stashed away in my handbag.
‘But what if I don’t want to learn how to ride without stabilisers?’ I heard Molly enquire, pedalling alongside her dad. ‘Why can’t I just keep them on?’
Oliver ruffled her hair. ‘Because pretty soon you’ll be far too big for a kid’s bike and they don’t make grown up bikes with stabilisers.’
‘But mum can’t ride a bike.’
‘I can!’ I insisted, quickening my pace to catch up with them. ‘I’ve just forgotten how to. I haven’t done it in a very long time.’
Total lie. I never learned. I wish my parents had pushed me to learn but they parented in the ‘let her do what she wants’ style, which very rarely came in handy. Bloody hippies. I didn’t want Molly to think I was lame. She’ll learn that soon enough when she’s older.
Oliver smirked at me. He knew I was full of shit but it was easier to lie than to have to explain why I didn’t ride but she had to. He stopped Molly and bent down to talk to her.
‘I promise that by the end of today, you’ll be riding this bike back through the park with no training wheels. Think how cool you’ll look when you cycle to nursery.’
She bowed her head and thought for a second. ‘Hmm . . . Stewart rides his bike to nursery. It’s a nice bike, Dad, it has a flame sticker on it.’
‘You learn how to ride, I’ll get you a flame sticker.’
‘Can I get a Yoshi sticker?’
‘Deal. Let’s get these wheels off.’
I stood back and watched while they interacted. There was something so pure about the whole thing. Molly taking in what Oliver said, Oliver gently pushing, Molly pointing to a squirrel and then falling off – it went on for at least an hour. There were tears, tantrums, Oliver gained another grey hair and I just marvelled. Finally, just as it began to drizzle with rain, Oliver let go without her noticing and off she went, to embarrassingly loud cheers from her parents and an elderly man who’d been watching from a park bench.
My heart nearly burst. Today was perfect. Also, what the fuck is a Yoshi?
Monday April 3rd
