‘Oh, I can,’ Lucy interjected. ‘Sometimes you’re just not ready to deal with someone’s reaction to a certain situation, so you keep it hidden. Sometimes for years. Isn’t that right, Phoebe?’
‘What? How would I know?’
She grinned broadly. ‘We all make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes even involve people we work with . . . right?’
Oh God. She knows about Frank.
I sighed. ‘Who told you?’
She laughed. ‘No one told me. I knew while it was going on! Sometimes you smelled of his aftershave. And the way I caught him looking at you . . .’
Hazel motioned for us to stop. ‘What the fuck am I missing here?’
‘Phoebe was shagging our boss Frank for ages. She kept it hidden from people who love her more than Oliver and we’re not holding it against her.’
Hazel screeched with laughter. ‘It’s completely different!’ I protested. ‘Stop laughing!’
‘I know it is,’ Lucy replied. ‘All I’m saying is that I understand why he wasn’t ready to share. Yes, he did a cunty thing but we all do. He didn’t stick his dick in anyone. He didn’t fall in love with anyone. He allowed some woman to massage his ego for a while. You need to let him make it up to you.’
Hazel nodded. ‘Oh, andthencut his dick off.’
I pulled them both in for a hug. I have no idea why I pay Pam Potter when I have these wise women for free.
May
Tuesday May 2nd
I woke at 6 a.m. and watched Oliver sleeping for a while, thinking, ‘This is the man I love. This is the man I want to grow old with. This man needs to wake the fuck up and answer some questions.’ I shook him awake, telling him I needed to talk and surprisingly he didn’t protest too much.
‘I need you to answer some questions. And I need you to be honest.’
He perched himself up in bed, rubbing his eyes. ‘OK . . . shoot.’
‘What made you stop at kissing?’
‘Guilt,’ he answered. ‘I felt like a massive prick, the second it happened.’
‘Did you ever plan to tell me?’
He shrugged. ‘I honestly don’t know. The thought that my stupid actions could ruin all of this . . . it makes me feel sick.’
‘How can I be sure this won’t happen again? What if you meet someone that—’
‘You don’t think I’m scared that you will?! Especially after this. I’m terrified that you’ll meet someone who doesn’t come with all my bullshit and decide it’s a better deal for you and Molly.’
‘You’re Molly’s dad,’ I replied. ‘And you’re my heart. How could there possibly be a better deal?’
‘I’m so sorry, Phoebe. You have no fucking idea, just how much.’
We held each other for what seemed like ages. ‘I’ll make this up to you,’ he said, kissing my head. ‘I promise.’
‘Damn right, you will. I want the grandest of gestures, fuckface.’
We cuddled until the alarm went off at 7 a.m. and Molly bounded into the room. Maybe some women would have dealt with this differently, but I dealt with it in the only way I knew how; forgive with my head and hope my heart follows.
Thursday May 4th
I looked out for Lord Wilson this morning but there was no sign of her. Ruby was dropped off by an elderly woman I can only assume was Granny. I hope she’s not slumped in her kitchen underneath a pile of Bordeaux bottles.
