‘Oliver . . .’
‘She put her hands down my trousers, alright,’ he replied. ‘She touched my cock, I touched her boobs and her arse OVER her clothes. I swear that was it.’
Finally I believed him, but the thought of them all grabby hands and heavy breathing made my bottom lip wobble.
‘See, you’re upset now,’ he said, gesturing to my imminent sobbing. ‘I didn’t want that.’
‘I am,’ I admitted, desperately trying to hold it together. ‘But you don’t get to pick and choose how I feel about this.’ I dabbed my eyes with the sleeve of my jumper. ‘How can you see her every day at work and not think about what happened? Do you still fancy her?’
He gave a little laugh. ‘Phoebe, I could ask you exactly the same question. How do you see Frank every day and not replay what happened? That cuts me up inside, just as much as me working with Beth does with you.’
‘Oh, it’sBethnow . . .’
‘Really?’
‘Look, the difference is I didn’t cheat on you with Frank and yes, I do occasionally think about what happened between us, but certainly not in a nostalgic way.’ I shuddered. ‘Frank reminds me of my life before this one; a life I wasn’t happy with. If you think I’m secretly yearning to revisit that, you’re wrong. Oliver, I have done nothing to make you distrust me.’
He sighed. ‘I know. I just can’t shake the thought that one day you’ll wake up and realise that you could do better.’
I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘With Frank?’
‘With anyone. Bottom line, Phoebe, I didn’t mess around with Bethany because I was bored with us. I messed around because I was bored with me.’
Now his lip was starting to wobble. I placed my hand on his knee, the same hand I’d considered giving him a dead leg with a few minutes ago.
‘I do want to marry you,’ he said with a sniff. ‘I know my timing was shitty but I do. I love you.’
‘I love you too,’ I replied. ‘But yeah. Shitty timing. I’d rather just focus on us as we are now.’
Our talk lasted well into the wee hours of the morning but I got through it. We got through it.
Saturday September 30th
The day after a huge, heart-wrenching talk where tears and snot still reside on the faces of those involved, one of two things normally happens: 1 – They give each other space. 2 – They are lovey-dovey as fuck. Oliver and I were the latter.
We made love in the morning (see – sickening), we fought to make breakfast for each other, we took Molly to the park and gazed lovingly at her and each other and we snuggled on the couch, frequently touching each other like we were scared the other would disappear if left unchecked. To outsiders it would appear nauseating, but to me, it was glorious. I felt unreservedly wanted.
October
Monday October 2nd
I gave Hazel a call from work to catch up but she was in bed with a sore throat, being looked after by Kevin. Apparently they’re finally taking her tonsils out soon. I don’t even know what the fuck tonsils do, but it’s a shame regardless.
After her bath, Molly told me that a boy in her class, Jason, had told her that if she ever wanted to know anything about Minecraft, she was to ask him because he had it on PS4 and he was an expert. ‘Pfft. Just cos he’s a boy he thinks he knows more than me? Mum, he has no idea who he’s dealing with. I am going to destroy his world.’
I know she meant his Minecraft world but it was still an excellent, Bond-villain-worthy threat.
Wednesday October 4th
Hazel’s had her tonsils out. I popped round to see her at lunchtime with a litre of ice cream and some flowers. She was propped up on the couch looking glum.
‘Aww! How are you feeling?’ I asked. Stupid question really, but it was better than saying ‘Damn! You look like shit’.
‘Swollen,’ she replied. ‘And sore. I wasn’t too bad yesterday but today my throat feels like it’s on fire. The painkillers are awesome, though. I get a good hour of flying high before they start to wear off.’
‘Lucy sends her love,’ I informed her, handing Kevin the ice cream and flowers. ‘And said to let you know that she’s paid the deposit on the DJ.’
Hazel smiled. ‘She’s done well with the whole wedding caper. I think I had three breakdowns while organising my first, AND I threw up into a potted plant an hour before I walked down the aisle. She’ll be a champ.’
