‘Sorry?’
‘Tethered.’
I pause, trying to work out what the hell he’s talking about. ‘Tethered. Like a horse?’
‘Sure, whatever.’
‘Do I look like a horse?’
‘Well, you mentioned the domination, I just thought—’
‘Stop speaking, please.’
He shrinks back into his seat and resumes bracelet fiddling while I open my notes and write WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU beside his name. There is no further conversation.
‘Good work, everyone, last round. Guys to the right, please!’
Will plonks himself down and immediately notices my frown.
‘Woah. That bad? You sort of look like Theresa May when you scowl.’
I nod, hoping that isn’t true. ‘I had a nightmare once where I was naked, and everyone was laughing, and a bird started pecking at my bare arse. This was worse.’
‘What kind of bird?’
‘No idea. I take it your dates were better than mine?’
He opens his sheets of paper. ‘It hasn’t been totally awful. I mean, people are just people, right? Everyone has their pros and cons. I try not to judge based on a three-minute chat.’
‘Yeah, me neither.’ I rub my nose to make sure it hasn’t grown seven inches.
‘Weirdest thing though,’ he continues, ‘three people mentioned you. Well, us. Apparently, we’re either old friends, old flames or living proof that the Law of Attraction works. They’ve all been discussing how we click. I think they had a meeting.’
‘I did hear something,’ I reply. ‘It’s so ridiculous! Honestly, I think everyone is so bloody love-focused, they’re seeing things. Like a group hallucination.’
‘You don’t think it’s odd?’ he asks.
‘What, odd that we happen to get on?’ I reply. ‘Not really. I’ve been known to get on with other human beings.’
He sits quietly, mulling it over.
‘Do you think it’s odd?’ I ask. ‘Ha ha, have they gotten to you too?’
‘God, no. I… I just feel like I’ve known you for ages. There was a definite gravitational pull when I saw you. Like, I was supposed to meet you or something.’
‘I think we both just looked out of place. It’s natural to seek comfort in similarity.’
‘Perhaps,’ he concludes. ‘I’m glad it happened, regardless. I might have been stuck with Meg over there.’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
He clears his throat. ‘“Like, I’ve manifested everything in my life, like, one day I asked for more Instagram followers and James Franco liked a swimsuit picture I posted and then I had like fifty thousand more followers by the end of the month”.’
‘Pretty sure she doesn’t speak with that accent,’ I reply, laughing. ‘I thought you weren’t into judging people.’
‘Pfft,’ he replies, ‘I was just trying to sound principled. I hate everyone. If there’s anyone you like, I could put in a good word for you… you know, like how you brush your teeth twice a day, give to charity and that I’m almost certain you carry a gun in your underwear.’
‘I’m fine, thanks. Let’s just get on with this, shall we?’
