We all laugh, but already I’m thinking about my Hobbit toes and the fact I need to chin pluck twice a day. What a catch.
‘Number two,’ she continues. ‘Think about where you are. If you’re in bed, feel the sheets beneath you and the softness of the pillows. At home? Reach down and take off your shoes. Touch your feet—’
Hairy toe, hairy toe.
‘—and feel the floor you’re walking on. Hard wood? Smooth tile? Thick carpet? Or maybe you’re outside. Is it warm, is it winter? Take a breath of air.’
Everyone scribbles furiously but Will and I remain steadfast, staring ahead, making no sudden movements.
‘And finally, feel thankful. Radiate excitement and gratitude that this is your life. Not only is this person crazy about you, but you feel the same connection. Enjoy it.’
She starts the music and tells everyone to close their eyes.
‘Take your time. Relax. Breathe into your new reality. There is no hurry, just find yourself alone with your new partner. Take your time.
My eyes are closed but my brain is going at a million miles an hour. All I want to visualise is Will on top of me, but this is supposed to be about true love, not disgustingly hot sex. As I try to concentrate, I hear Meg’s voice:
‘Enjoy the moment while you can.’
Oh, piss off, Meg. This isn’t enjoyable. This is torture. Sweet, loin-inflaming, sexy torture.Oh for God’s sake. Focus, Nora.
‘Where are you?’ I hear Anna ask.
I’m in a room… the floor is dirty. I put my shoes back on. Why does no one ever clean this bastard— No. Wait. The floor is carpeted so I can squish my toes into it. Better.
‘You hear a voice in the distance. Who is it? It’s your lover.’
I was going to say window cleaner, but OK.
‘Go to them and embrace them.’
But what if he’s on the toilet? OK, fine.He’s in the kitchen. Making me a sandwich.
I make my way into my imaginary kitchen and wrap my arms around the man standing at the worktop. Not Will. Not Will. Yep, it’s Will. Abort embrace! It’s too late. Will turns around and lifts me up onto the worktop because apparently in this reality I weigh ninety pounds. He firmly moves my thighs apart with his hand and…
I open my eyes and sit upright in my chair. There’s no way I can sit here and porn it up, while everyone else is skipping through poppy fields on their way to church. I glance at Will, whose eyes are still closed. I bet he’s imagining his wife. Probably also his future kids and his future dog and they’re all wearing the same awful T-shirts. I close my eyes again and inhale slowly. I can do this.Seconds later I feel Will’s hand gently brush against my thigh. Initially I’m not sure whether this is accidental, but when it remains there, I know I have two decisions: I can remove his hand or I can reach down and place my hand over his, stroking his fingers with mine. I choose the latter, every nerve in my body sparking like little fireworks. We stay like this for what seems like forever before Anna ruins it all by asking us to open our eyes. He quickly removes his hand from my thigh, and we separate.
‘Great job, everyone. Twenty-minute recess before yoga. Have a great day.’
While everyone around us stands, we remain seated. My heart is racing. HE TOUCHED MY THIGH.
‘So… yoga, then?’ he asks.
He still wants to do yoga?
‘Um, OK. Yoga.’
He strokes his stubble. ‘Or not?’ he replies. ‘I mean, we could just not go.’
Yeah! To hell with yoga! Back to my thighs.
‘Nora, I want you to come to the front of the class today, so I can help with your posture.’
For once, Brad’s beautiful voice is not welcome and now he’s standing in the doorway waiting for my reply. I give Will ahelp melook but there’s nothing he can do. I nod at Brad and begin gathering up my belongings.
‘You could say no, you know,’ Will whispers. ‘Just skip class.’
I furrow my brow. ‘I can’t skip class. He’s seen me.’
