I feel him bury his face into my shoulder.
‘I thought that showing up here was enough. That I’d done my bit, my due diligence. I thought this was about me– and god knows, I seem to do that a lot.’
I move away so I can see his face. ‘Dad, I’m going to help you. And not just by clearing up here. I mean I’m going to really help you– whatever you need.’
‘I can’t ask you to do that.’
‘You didn’t,’ I reply.
He nods and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. ‘Better get those bags moved then, eh?’
I smile. ‘And put on some music, Dad. It’s an absolute crime to have all that vinyl just sitting there.’
He laughs while I take my phone from my bag and send Ed a text.
Going to help Dad clear up a bit, maybe get some dinner with Carly? See you around six.
I’ll give Dad his due– he really mucks in, making several trips to the huge communal bins while I get on with cleaning. While most things scrub up rather well, there’s stuff that just cannot be salvaged– plates, pots, the toilet seat, bedding– and I make a list as I go of everything that has to be replaced. He also needs a new couch, curtains and a television that wasn’t made in 1995.
‘You need some plants in here, Dad,’ I tell him. ‘It’ll brighten the room up.’
He laughs. ‘Your mum liked plants, too. I remember when she brought home this huge eight-foot palm-tree-looking thing. Far too big; the only place we could have it was by the living-room window, and it blocked out all the bloody light.’
His smile looks bittersweet.
‘What happened with you and Mum?’ I ask. ‘I mean, I knowabout the affairs but what led to all that?’
He sinks down on to the couch and sighs. ‘You know, I’ve asked myself that question numerous times over the years. We were so young when we got married and, well, we thought it was the right thing to do, you know, with you on the way. But the truth is, we were just never right for each other, Christ, I wouldn’t even have called us friends in the beginning. She took to motherhood so quickly and I. . . I was just a scared, stupid lad. I mean, we did our best, but you can’t force that kind of connection, you know? Like the one you and Ed have. Anyway, she kicked me out, so I took the car and left. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret my actions. I mean, I had to leave– we were all miserable– but leaving you both unprovided for. The shame that comes with that is overwhelming. I’m just grateful you’re even talking to me.’
‘We all mess up, Dad,’ I tell him. ‘You have to move on. But just promise me one thing?’
‘Yes?’
‘When you mess up again, which you will, you tell me, and we’ll talk it through.’
He nods. ‘I promise.’
‘You have a whole other life ahead of you, Dad,’ I tell him. ‘One with a job, with friends, with love.’
‘Maybe with grandchildren?’
I laugh out loud. ‘Fucking hell. Is that all anyone thinks about? Listen, Ed will be here soon, let’s finish up.’ I have no doubt that one day he’ll be able to move on from here, but until then, he has somewhere clean and warm to call home.
‘Tomorrow I’m going to order you some new stuff, so I’ll text you the delivery dates and times. I’m also hiring you a cleaner once a week, until you feel like you’re able to cope with all this on your own.’
‘This is too much, Katie,’ he says. ‘I don’t know how to thankyou.’
‘I’ll tell you how,’ I reply. ‘Tomorrow you get an appointment with your GP, and you find out about counselling. And you keep going to your meetings.’
I hear a knock at the front door.
‘We have a deal?’ I ask.
‘We do, love. I won’t let you down.’
I hug my dad so hard, I’m afraid I might hurt him. ‘I love you. I’ll call you in a couple of days.’
I open the front door and see Ed’s jaw drop as he looks at the hallway he left just a few hours ago.
