‘I mean, you’re joking, right?’ Paul continued.
Tara frowned. ‘No. Not at all.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Lifelong friendship… give me a break. This bond you have. This bloody friendship I keep hearing so much about, where has it been for the past ten years? Where was this great camaraderie, this unwavering support, when your husband died, Erin, or when Beth…’
He paused as Beth’s eyes locked onto his.
‘When Beth what?’ Erin asked.
He sighed. ‘Nothing, that isn’t the point. All I’m saying is, how can you claim to owe each other everything when, for the past decade, you’ve given each other nothing?’
The silence that fell over the group was deafening. He turned to Tara who was still as defensive as ever.
‘You seem to forget that at uni, I knew all the same people you did. I’m not defending what Alex did, but from where I’m sitting, you don’t look so innocent yourself.’
Beth turned to Paul and placed her hand on his. ‘Maybe that’s enough. Why don’t you go back to the house, love?’
Paul lifted his glass (and his shoes) and started to walk back, leaving everyone stunned by his outburst.
It took a few minutes, but finally Tara, looking marginally less hostile, broke the silence. ‘Niall Doyle.’
‘What about him?’ Alex asked.
She sank down on to the sand. ‘I knew exactly who he was and I did it anyway.’
She heard Erin give a little gasp and shuffle closer towards her.
‘Fuck. And I wasn’t even that drunk. Not really.’
Tara looked around the group, trying to gauge the response from the open-mouthed women. Astonishment seemed to be the general consensus.
‘Damn, that’s feckin’ cold, Tara,’ Becky said, pouring herself some wine.
‘I know,’ she mumbled in agreement. ‘I know.’
‘I don’t understand,’ Alex said, her cheek still sporting a bright red handprint. ‘Why would you do that?’
‘Because I was young and I was jealous,’ Tara responded, bringing her knees up to her chest. She hugged her dress around her legs. ‘I could never quite figure out why we pretty much came from the same background, yet our lives couldn’t have been more different.’
Alex wasn’t buying this. ‘With the exception of Beth, everyone’s childhood was far from perfect.’
‘Maybe,’ Tara replied. ‘But our fathers left and our mothers are so similar in many ways, but the difference is, that my mother wanted me as a trophy, while yours didn’t particularly want you at all. I always envied how well you carried herself. How well you coped, while I was falling apart. I guess I wanted you to feel as shitty as I felt.’
‘That’s really messed up,’ Alex said. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
‘A lot actually,’ Tara replied. ‘Did Aiden tell you that when we met, I’d only been out of rehab for six weeks?’
A hush came over the group. ‘He never said a word. Rehab?’
Tara nodded. ‘I’d been mentally unwell for a long time. Longer than I knew. You know that my mother was…isa difficult woman. I feel like I’ve either been fighting against her or running from her my entire life. She instilled in me a sense of insignificance. That my worth was entirely linked to my appearance, just as hers had been.’
The sadness on Tara’s face made Beth tear up. Her friend had been in pain and she’d missed the signs. They’d all missed it.
‘I was like a little doll to her,’ Tara continued. ‘Look pretty so someone will want to marry you. Your only value is in your face and your figure. Fuck, she even made sure I went to university so I could meet someone ofbetter stock, not so I could be educated.’
Tara grabbed Erin’s cup again and drank while the others stayed silent. Even the lough seemed quieter than usual.
‘Anyway, rebellion, tattoos, piercings, yada, yada, I went to New York with absolutely no idea who I was and New York was the worst place to find that out. I worked hard, I took far too much cocaine, pills, whatever, and I latched on to every unsuitable dickhead I met. I was surrounded by people, but I had no real friends. On my thirty-first birthday I woke up in the ER with no idea how I got there or what had been done to me.’
