To which Bill replies, ‘No, mate, I gave it back to Barbara after the police cautioned me because they thought I was peeping.’
Okay, this is not quite exactly going the way I planned.
‘Oh yeah, I remember you did now.’ Barbara chuckles to herself and I can’t help but roll my eyes. ‘I dropped it in my downstairs loo and it’s not worked very well since. I reckon there’s some water in the lens.’
Before we can go on yet another tangent and all reluctantly find out why Barbara had her video camera in the toilet with her, an unwelcome distraction walks through the door.
Arthur saunters in, shoulders back, head high, oozing confidence, and my chest caves at the sight of him.
Christ, can a girl not just try and sort her life out in peace? Why is it that when I come up with a plan, there are too many curveballs to count and I end up too overwhelmed to function?
I try my best to ignore him and push on, ‘Okay, so no camera. Cerys, do you and your mates fancy a role in a film?’
The teen looks up from her phone. ‘I’d love to help you,Bea, but how are they going to act when you’ve got nothing to video with? Sounds a bit pointless to me.’
‘Cheers for your unwavering truthfulness as always, Cer,’ I reply, feeling increasingly itchy and breathless as I try my best to ignore Arthur’s eyes as they follow my every move.
‘What’s happening here then?’ I hear him ask Tracy, as he takes his usual seat at the bar.
‘Barbara videos herself on the toilet and I’m pretty sure Beatrice is having a breakdown,’ my boss replies and plops a peanut into her mouth as she watches it all unfold in front of her.
‘Beatrice.’ Arthur calls out my name, but I pretend I can’t hear him.
‘Okay, who here has a camera? A smartphone? A cine camera?’ They all look at me blankly.
‘Beatrice, can we talk?’ Arthur stands beside me and takes me by the hand, but I pull it from his grip before I can falter.
‘No.’ My bluntness takes him aback and he blinks at me with furrowed brows. ‘All right then, who wants to be in a film?’ I direct my attention back at the room but they all just look at me like I’m an idiot.
‘Bea, I’ve got a camera you can borrow. I’ll give you it. Will you just come and talk to me for five minutes? Please?’ I say neither yes nor no as I storm out of the pub and into the smoking area. Arthur is right behind me and he leans against the same picnic table that I practically threw myself at him on and I feel the tears begin to sting at the corners of my eyes.
‘I’ve got something so exciting to tell you …’ He grins like a fucking baboon and I could rip it straight off his face.
‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ His face drops in an instant. ‘How can you stand there all giddy as if nothing has happened?’
‘What?’ There’s no sign of his excitement left on his face now, only concern. ‘I-I don’t …’
‘I told you things this morning that I have never had the gall to even say out loud before, and you just up and left like it was nothing. I get it. I do. Why would you want to hear all of that? Why would you want to see me cry? We work together whilst your parents are mad at you. That’s it.’
‘Beatrice.’ My name falls from his lips with such pain as he takes a step towards me that I have to look away from him before I cave entirely.
‘But I felt safe with you. Being held by you made me feel as though nothing that ever hurt me before could harm me. Being held by you made me feel loved, Arthur. And maybe I’m a fool for thinking that your feelings could have changed since your first day here. Every village has its idiot and I think I can take that title now for ever opening my heart up to someone who would never look twice at me if he ever had a choice.’ Arthur reaches forward and sweeps the tears from my face, but I fight the feelings that his touch brings and pull further from him.
‘Where is this coming from?’ A pained expression overwhelms his face until I’m sure we’re a mirror image of one another.
‘You left me, Arthur. You left me when I opened up, and you left me when I needed you.’ I feel weak as I try my hardest to fight him.
‘Fuck.’ He breathes ‘I’m an idiot.’ He tugs at the root of his hair with the hand still damp with my tears.
‘Yeah, you are,’ I huff pathetically.
‘Bea, you’re right.’ I’ve waited for him to say those words for so long, but now they’re laced with agony and I choke back a sob. ‘I didn’t have a choice in being here. Not initially anyway. But, in all honesty, the thought of having to leave again hurts far more than anything else. I didn’t leave this morning because you’d scared me off, or I didn’t care. Quite the opposite, Bea. I left this morning to get these.’
He pulls two sheets of paper from his pocket and lays them on the table. The writing on them is blurred as I read it with tear-filled eyes, but I can just about make out what they say. ‘What is this?’ I ask with a sniffle.
‘A second, second chance.’ His urgency relaxes a little and he hazards another step towards me. ‘It’s a gala next week. Another place to put your talent on display. To get someone behind this film and behind this story. There will be a room full of people looking for new ideas. Now I’m realising that I’ve gone about this all the wrong way, but this is all new to me. I heard every word you said this morning and it killed me to see you cry knowing there was nothing I could do to help. This is my way of thinking I was helping. I’m so sorry, Beatrice.’
‘I don’t want them. I just wanted you to stay.’ His expression fractures in pain. ‘This thing—’ I gesture to thetickets in his hand ‘—couldn’t have waited just an hour longer? You left me when I needed you, Arthur. No tickets, no film, no fancy party can undo that. I’m sorry.’
