But it wasn’t only that I missed him. When I’d caught that first hit of his cologne by theMACstand, for a second I’d felt a magical burst of joy. And that wasn’t because I missed him.
It was something more.
When I’d told Simon we couldn’t be together because something was lacking between us, I wasn’t talking about some mythical, undiscovered magic.
I knew about it because I’d felt it with Nick.
It had crept up on me slowly, though. My first inkling had been on the London Eye when he’d calmed me down without drawing attention to my distress. It had been such a selfless thing to do and I’d been too shocked to even thank him. But there had been a spark between us from the moment we met. I hadn’t acknowledged it because it had been so bloody inconvenient.
But my subconscious had known.
And I’d blown it. Now he was spending his last few nights in another woman’s bed before jetting back to South America, his sojourn in theUKand his fleeting feelings for me consigned to a bin labelled Big Mistakes.
Alice dropped into the seat next to me in a heap of yellow Selfridges bags.
I quickly blinked back the looming tears. ‘Blimey,’ I said, in a teasing tone, ‘those are big bags for a load of smalls.’
She grinned. ‘I also bought a few other bits and pieces.’ She leant closer. ‘Looks like someone else went shopping, too.’
She tried to peek into my bag, but I jostled it out of the way. I didn’t want her to smell the card with the cologne on it. I felt stupidly embarrassed that she would recognise it and then see how lame I was – getting my kicks from an overpriced chemical concoction.
‘What’s wrong, Zoë? Is something on your mind?’
I shook my head. It was the night before her wedding, I wasn’t going to unburden myself on her. I wanted to be there for any last-minute nerves she might be having.
‘I’m a bit tired, but in a good way. Did I tell you I interviewed Marcie?’
‘That’s amazing!’
I tried to mirror her smile. ‘It really is.’
We didn’t speak for a few moments. I took a sip of my chamomile tea and wished it was a glass of wine.
‘There’s something else.’
‘Nope, there’s nothing.’
‘Please tell me. I need to take my mind off tomorrow. Give me something to think about other than tripping while I walk down the aisle or having a coughing fit during the ceremony. It happened to Annette’s sister. It was awful; the poor thing went purple.’
How did Alice always know the right thing to say?
‘I told Simon I didn’t love him,’ I said eventually.
Her eyes went wide. ‘I’m so sorry. Are you okay?’
‘Well, apart from feeling awful for doing it to him, I know it’s for the best.’
She rubbed my arm. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’re about to cry.’
Oh God. She was right. My face was getting hot and suddenly I was blinking back tears.
Alice gave me a hug, while I held my breath, trying to stop snivelling.
Hold it together, Zoë. This is not the time.
But it was no good. It was like a dam had burst and I was helpless to hold back the flood.
She let me sob for a good five minutes. Then she gave me a tissue and a stern look. ‘Talk to me, Zoë.’
