A stack of oldCosmos, no doubt bought to find out what sort of kisser I was, an expired can of Coke, and a white dress I wore once, decided was too revealing, but that I couldn’t bear to throw out.
I guess the hoarding gene didn’t skip me after all.
It’s my last day in the office before we leave for Cyprus on Sunday and, even though I’m only working between eleven and five, the day drags.
Chantelle and Clive are my last patients, but at a quarter past, there’s still no sign of them. I’m about to go and check in the main waiting room when there’s a knock at my door.
I open it to find Clive alone and looking sorry for himself.
‘Is everything okay?’ I ask, ushering him in.
‘I’m sorry, Nella pet, I didn’t know whether I should come or not. It’s over between Chantelle and me.’
He sits down, and I pour him a glass of water.
‘What happened?’
He sighs. ‘Whatactuallyhappened is that I didn’t notice she’d had a haircut. Whatreallyhappened is that I realised I didn’t want to be with her.’
‘And how do you feel now?’
‘Relieved, mainly. Being with her felt like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. I wanted it to work with her so badly, but I never stopped to ask myselfwhyI wanted it. I mean, what’s wrong with being single?’
I nod. ‘Has this been a pattern for you?’
‘I’m forty-seven. I wanted a wife and kids, and I know – selfishly – that I could have had those things with Chantelle or any of my last three girlfriends. But what Ireallywanted was to be part of a loving family. And that was never going to be the case with her. She’s a lovely girl, but we’re just not right for each other. I felt awful letting her down, but I knew if I was having these doubts now, the marriage would never be what I wanted it to be.’
‘That sounds like quite a healthy way to look at things. Brave, too. Better to realise your mistake now than in a year or two down the line.’
On the way home, I can’t help wondering if this was how Rich felt? That he knew the relationship wasn’t right, so he sabotaged it? Why else leave damning evidence on his phone? I’d assumed he was mirroring the heartless pattern he’d seen with his parents and did it unthinkingly, but he knew I couldn’t stay with someone who was unfaithful. I’d told him as much over the years.
There are better ways to end a relationship that isn’t working – obviously – but maybe this is the most efficient way of doing it. Cross the red line your partner has laid down and wait for the inevitable end.
Chapter 25
I hadn’t realised the extent of Mum’s reluctance to drive until Dad’s hernia starts playing up, making him too uncomfortable to get behind the wheel. But it’s the Greek Food Festival at Alexandra Palace, and everyone’s desperate to go, so I volunteer to drive.
More accurately, I volunteer to sit in the passenger seat and offer moral support while Mum drives.
‘You’re doing fine,’ I tell her soothingly.
And she is, until we hit the Hanger Lane Gyratory, at which point she slows down to five miles an hour, and the whole of west London starts beeping us.
‘Don’t listen to them,’ says Dad from the back seat.
‘Kind of hard when you’ve got ears,’ mutters Pen, next to him.
Cars whizz past us on both sides, and when Mum eventually puts her foot down, she zooms past our exit.
‘There wasn’t a gap,’ she wails.
Our second time around sees her careening across four streams of traffic and shestilldoesn’t make the turn.
‘Just takeanyexit,’ I say, my soothing tones long gone. ‘Then we’ll stop and have a breather.’
She finds her way to a supermarket car park, where we can finally unclench whatever muscles we were straining in the fervent belief it would keep the car upright.
She probably ought to carry on and get past her shaky start, but having four of us in the car has made it harder to drive thanusual (she claims), so for the sake of everyone’s pants, I agree to take the wheel.
