‘We’ll go out just the two of us another day,’ I tell her once we’re back on the North Circular. ‘We can’t let this turn into a proper phobia.’
‘It’s only for today,’ pipes up Dad from the back seat. ‘I’ll be fine tomorrow.’
‘No, Mum still has to do more driving, and the longer she avoids it, the worse it will get.’
‘Be patient with her,’ says Pen. ‘Facing your fears is hard.’
It’s not the sort of comment I expect from her, and it keeps me quiet for the rest of the journey.
Even though there must be hundreds of people at the fair, we bump into cousin Stav straight away, courtesy of some weird genetic telepathy.
He’s with his new girlfriend Julie, who everyone’s met except me, and he’s halfway through a kebab wrapped in greaseproof paper that’s letting through an alarming amount of oil, most of which is now dribbling onto his shoe.
‘Stav, that’s gross,’ says Pen, knowing he’s unembarrassable.
He looks at his black leather lace-ups and grins. ‘A bit of meat juice will slide right off, thanks to all the candle wax from Easter.’
‘What do you mean?’ asks Julie.
‘You’ve obviously never had to endure a Greek Easter midnight mass,’ says Pen.
Julie looks at Stav for further explanation. ‘The church is always rammed,’ he says. ‘And you have to stand there for ages with a lit candle, so inevitably wax drips on your shoes. But that’s preferable to accidentally setting someone’s hair on fire.’
‘Greeks of a certain generation wear alotof hair spray,’ I add helpfully.
Mum’s been listening and shaking her head. ‘Eh, you burn a couple of hairs, it’s not the end of the world. And it’s easy to get wax off your shoes with an iron and baking paper. If your mum hasn’t got time, darling, I’ll do it for you.’
Stav looks like he’s about to offer up his shoes there and then, but I intervene.
‘Mum, he’s a grown man. He doesn’t need his mumoryou to clean his shoes.’
Stav winks at me. ‘Julie will do it, won’t you, honey?’
Ithinkhe’s being ironically sexist, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
Dad disappeared after we parked, and Mum announces she’s off to find him.
‘I guarantee he’s gone straight to the patisserie tent. He thinks I won’t notice if he’s covered in sugar. Why does he act like thereisn’ta history of heart disease in his family?’
She tuts and hurries away.
‘Right, we’re off to get sloshed at the free wine tasting,’ says Stav.
‘You what?’ asks Pen. ‘I don’t remember seeing that on the website.’
Stav grins. ‘That’s because they sneakily call it a “wine lecture”, but I happen to know it’s a boozy free-for-all.’
Pen turns to me. ‘I wouldn’t mind going to that.’
‘It’s eleven in the morning.’
‘But it’s free!’
‘I’ll buy you a drink after lunch.’
‘How long has Stav been with Julie?’ I ask once we move off again. I’m hoping the reason I haven’t met her is because the relationship is new, and not because I’ve turned down too many nights out with Stav and the rest of my family.
‘A year, I think.’
