For a moment Layla looked genuinely stunned, as if River’s words were too surprising to comprehend. Then, she said, “I need ye to listen to me very carefully. Yer maither spent her life hurtin’ people and never once felt guilty for it. Ye spend yer life feeling guilty for things ye didnae do. Ye didnae harm those women. Ye didnae murder Arya’s and Colby's mother. Yet ye’ve spent years carryin’ responsibility for crimes that were never yers.”
River looked away, avoiding Layla’s gaze. That same old shame curled deep inside her gut, but Layla wasn’t finished yet.
“Ye love those bairns. Ye protect them, ye’ve given them a home. If ye had even a fraction of yer maither's cruelty in ye, those bairns would ken it by now."
The simple logic of it left River without an argument, though she wasn’t entirely convinced. She didn’t know how to get rid of all that shame, all that pain, how to forget everything her mother had done.
“And as for happiness...”
River laughed weakly. “What happiness?”
Layla gave her a look, as stern as it was amused. “The Laird looks at ye as if ye’ve hung the moon.”
Heat rushed to River’s cheeks, but she was quick to shake her head. How could that be true? Archer wanted nothing to do with her.
“Och, Layla?—”
“Och, daenae look at me like that. I may nae ken what happened between the two of ye today, but I have eyes.”
Despite herself, River smiled, though it vanished quickly. It was too tempting to believe they could go back to how they were. It was too tempting to give into the fantasy that he could truly love her.
“Me lady, I think ye’ve spent so long convincin’ yerself ye daenae deserve happiness that ye’ve forgotten to ask whether it might be yers anyway.”
River lowered her gaze, not knowing how to respond. She desperately wanted to believe Layla, to think she was right, but there was a resistance deep inside her, something that she couldn’t quite shed yet. How could she believe she was worthy of anything? How could she believe that there was a chance for her and Archer?
How could she believe that he could want her the way she wanted him?
After a long moment, Layla nudged her shoulder.
“Talk to him.”
River finally looked up. “About what?”
“Everything’. Men are many things, but mind readers are nae among them. If ye love yer husband, then stop sittin’ here inventin’ tragedies and tell him what is in yer heart.”
River hesitated. “Do ye truly think he might listen to me?”
“Of course,” said Layla, her hand squeezing her fingers in a gesture of sympathy. “He can say what he wants, but I’ve never seen a man look at a lass the way he looks at ye.”
River didn’t know what to think anymore. She didn’t know whether she should trust Archer’s words or Layla’s. She didn’t know if there was a bright end to this all.
All she knew was that if she didn’t tell Archer how she felt, she would regret it.
21
The courtyard was filled with noise and people, and Archer couldn’t be happier for it. There was only one thing that could keep him anchored, and that was work—work and the task of keeping everyone off his back until he figured out who his enemy was.
Storm clouds gathered in the distance, but over the castle, a bright sun shone that morning. The storm would come, he knew, and the servants were already preparing for it, covering the more vulnerable plants and putting all the grain into storage. Archer watched the rolling clouds as they approached, gray spilling like ink over the sky.
And yet, even as he did his rounds, making sure the guards were posted where they should be and that they were bright and alert, like they should be, there was only one thing on his mind—River. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t shake the thought of her, the memory of her in his study, the way she had looked at him, like she was seeing a stranger.
“Good mornin’, me Laird,” said one of the guards as Archer passed by. “Here for an inspection?”
“Aye,” Archer mumbled absentmindedly. “Why is there nae one near the gardens?”
“There are guards patrollin’ the curtain walls, me Laird,” said the man, his graying hair shining under the sun like silver. “We didnae think it necessary to have guards posted there.”
“Place two men there immediately,” said Archer. “It’s a weak spot.”
