“No, I take that back. It crossed my mind, but I stopped allowing myself to imagine it once you announced that you didn’t want a mate. Because I didn’t want to be hurt. Guess what? It didn’t matter. In the end, you still tore me apart.”
Gramlithyn threw his hands in the air and admitted defeat. While he had orchestrated moving in together and wanted a future with Pyxlevir, nothing had prepared him for the bald honesty they were exchanging in the bright glow of the kitchen at nearly midnight on a random Friday night. He supposed nothing could.
“Of course I kept saying that. You were going into excruciating detail about your happily-ever-after with a centaur, or some dragon, or whatever other fucking shifter popped into your head.”
“What’s that mean?”
“What do you think it means, Pyxlevir? I was your best friend. Your parents are best friends. So are mine. It dawned on me pretty early that maybe being matched with your closest pal could be a good thing. The fucking problem was that my buddy was far too busy chasing dreams of being with anybody but me.”
Pyxlevir blinked heavily as he stood staring at Gramlithyn. Dashing away the wetness on his cheeks, Gramlithyn pulled himself together. He’d finally bared what he could of his poor troubled soul. It wasn’t eloquent, nor was it necessarily a good idea, but he couldn’t take the words back. Nor did he want to. Alongside the shattering pain, there was a senseof relief that he’d at least been honest. That was what Pyxlevir wanted. So did Gramlithyn.
“I don’t understand,” Pyxlevir whispered.
Gramlithyn drew in a ragged breath and put some distance between him and Pyxlevir. “I’ll make it simple for you. You were what I wanted in a mate. But for the first time in our lives, we weren’t in sync. So, I begged Fate and anyone who would listen to spare me from any matebond. If I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t want anyone. I saw your tears that morning. You were shocked. Our matebond wasn’t welcome. I couldn’t handle it. So, I left. I didn’t have a plan; I just wanted to get away. That’s it. That’s the entire story.”
Desperate for escape now that he’d bared his soul, Gramlithyn headed for the front door. Although he’d already gone for a run, he and his zebra were frantic for another one. Pyxlevir didn’t follow, pleasing Gramlithyn. Their conversation had been far more enlightening than Gramlithyn wanted, but perhaps that was for the best. At least Pyxlevir understood Gramlithyn’s motivation, even if he didn’t agree with the results.
Gramlithyn didn’t bother waiting for the elevator. Their apartment was on the fourth floor, but he barely noticed the steps as he pounded down to the lobby. If he didn’t have to pass random strangers, he would’ve shifted the minute he stepped out of the apartment front door. Instead, he jogged to the bathroom/changing room and moved as quickly as possible to disrobe.
The second he was naked, he charged outside and freed his zebra to take over. He ran until he was too exhausted to think. It was the only way Gramlithyn could cope.
Chapter 18
As if his limbs were made of brittle glass, Pyxlevir gently eased himself onto the floor as the front door closed behind Gramlithyn. If Pyxlevir had to use a single word to describe his life in the past six years, he’d go with a word like purgatory. He’d been stuck in a horrid limbo as he quietly waited for his mate to get his act together. Nightmares had plagued him, and he’d spent countless hours imagining how he’d tackle the Herculean task of convincing Gramlithyn they had a future.
The one thing Pyxlevir had refused to consider was the possibility that Gramlithyn had ever wanted a matebond. Which made him feel like a fool. A heartless one who’d hurt his best friend each time he’d opened his stupid mouth and romanticized a future with some faceless shifter. The worst part was that his words weren’t based in reality. Or at least not until Gramlithyn kept insisting he wanted anything but his other half.
Pyxlevir had had to consider possibilities to avoid being crushed by disappointment. It was probably telling that Pyxlevir’s brain had always insisted on a matebond with someone who shared their soul with a beast. As if he’d known on some elemental level that Gramlithyn would be tied to him someday. But Pyxlevir had been clueless, and he’d tucked awayhis dreams of being with Gramlithyn long before Fate had made her decision.
He wrapped his arms around his legs and lowered his head. Although years had passed since Pyxlevir had shared a heartfelt conversation with Gramlithyn, he didn’t doubt the hybrid’s sincerity. His tears had stood out as they’d slid down his cheeks in the bright light of the kitchen. Gramlithyn’s voice had trembled with emotion, and he’d run out of the apartment as if the hounds of hell were chasing him.
Thanks to Fate.
The goddess responsible for pairing people had chosen Pyxlevir and Gramlithyn for each other, but they’d both suffered for it. Perhaps that was inevitable. They’d been children desperate to protect their own hearts. Pyxlevir hated that for them, but their past was inescapable. What mattered now was the future. Gramlithyn hadn’t run because he feared commitment or wanted to go on some endless adventure. The fool had assumed that Pyxlevir’s shock was rejection.
Although Pyxlevir wanted to slap him for running away instead of confronting him, he understood. Pyxlevir had experienced the misery of losing his mate, and it still stung like a knife to the chest. But Gramlithyn’s courage in the kitchen changed the landscape for their future.
And that was all that fucking mattered to Pyxlevir. Wounds could heal. The close bond of friendship they’d once enjoyed didn’t need to be consigned forever to the past. But Pyxlevir couldn’t fix anything alone, and he was tired of waiting for some miracle to occur.
So, Pyxlevir picked himself off the floor, both literally and figuratively. He brushed away specks of dirt that clung to his race car pajamas and went into the living room. Switching on the television, he curled up on the sofa and waited for Gramlithyn to return.
By the time the front door opened, the movie he’d selected was nearly over. Pyxlevir hit the button on the remote to turn it off and wasn’t surprised when Gramlithyn headed straight into the kitchen. The hybrid had already shifted earlier that evening and likely needed to recoup his missing protein.
Pyxlevir padded toward the island, and Gramlithyn caught his eye.
“What are you still doing up?” Gramlithyn asked as he dragged a container of strawberries out of the refrigerator.
“We should talk.”
Gramlithyn plucked a tub of protein powder out of a cabinet and scooped a healthy amount into his strawberries. “It’s late, Pyxlevir. We should both get some sleep.”
“Probably, but I think it’s better if we clear the air first before we head to bed.”
His dark eyes filled with sorrow, Gramlithyn chewed his snack and sagged against the counter. “Okay, get whatever you need off your chest.”
Pyxlevir sucked in a deep breath and gathered every ounce of courage he possessed. “When we were little, I used to dream about being your mate. I thought because we were best friends, we’d be incredible together. But I was a silly boy protecting his heart, so I never said those words aloud. Then you told all and sundry that you were actively begging Fate to leave you be. It tore me apart, so I tucked away my fantasies and resigned myself to a different reality. One where I’d have to accept that we’d both be with other people someday. I was determined to keep you in my life, no matter what. On my eighteenth birthday, I panicked. I couldn’t enjoy Fate’s surprise because I was terrified. That’s what you saw on my face that morning.”
“What?” Gramlithyn asked, his arm frozen halfway to his lips with a strawberry still in his fingers.
