Chapter 1 - Simon
Every time I get drunk, it’s the same hollow, empty feeling that it was the time before. It doesn’t stop me from doing it again, though, and on Friday evening, at the family gala, I have the light, dull buzz of alcohol at the edges of my thoughts.
There is a pretty blonde standing next to me, laughing and reaching out to touch my arm as though we’re good friends. I smile down at her, swirling the whisky in my hand. I’ve had so many women pass through my radar over the past five years that they’re all starting to look the same.
And none of them is her.
“Simon, you are so funny,” she gushes, stepping closer to me. It’s a clear invitation. I could whisk her out of here in a minute and spend a night in the sheets with her. But somewhere between the endless parties, the charming bachelor persona I have created, and the glass of whisky in my hand right now… I don’t actually want any of this anymore.
I don’t think I ever wanted it to be fair.All I ever wanted was her.
My smile grows wider when I spot my sister across the room. She’s giving me one of herknowinglooks. I look down at the blonde. “Claire,” I smile politely. Fuck, I hope that was her name. “Give me a moment, I just need to chat to my sister, I’ll be right back,” I say.
She smiles sweetly. “Don’t take too long.” She winks at me.
I cock my head to the side, thinking about how most men in this room would melt if she winked at them. But for me,it’s meaningless. Everything is meaningless. It has been for five years.
“I won’t be long,” I say, gently touching her waist. Her cheek flushes pink, and she giggles.
I only feel mildly bad that I just lied to her. I have zero intentions of coming back to talk to her, and I have nothing specific I need to speak to my sister about. I just needed a way out.
I push through the crowds, greeting people along the way, pausing for a brief comment, a laugh, my social mask firmly in place. Happy Simon. Man of the hour. Bachelor, charmer, playboy.
I don’t mind that all of these idiots standing around think I’m not much more than a party animal. It’s good for them to underestimate me. More than once, it’s served me well in business.
I look up at my sister, and her eyes pierce into me across the room as I make my way pointedly towards her.
She excuses herself from the conversation she was having with one of our family allies and turns to grin at me.
“Going home with the blonde?” she asks as I approach.
I scoff and roll my eyes, then drain the last of my whisky and set it down on a table nearby. “No, I wanted to get out of here. Do you think you can make some excuse for me once I’ve disappeared?”
Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. “You, okay?” she asks.
“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I speak.
She smiles softly, tilting her head as she studies my face. “The city’s most eligible bachelor and playboy going home alone on a Friday night,” she muses. “How strange.”
“Oh shush. You’re going home alone, too. What’s the difference?” I say defensively.
She reaches up and wraps her long fingers around my arm, squeezing gently. “Hey, sorry, I was only teasing… because I’m worried.”
“There’s nothing to be worried about,” I say cautiously.
The thing is that Raya has always seen straight through me. I don’t know how she does it, but I can’t slip anything past her keen eyes. Every other person in this party falls for the mask I wear. The bachelor persona I latched onto as a cover for the exhausting emptiness I feel inside.
I sigh heavily. “I’m just tired. I’m tired of… of everything,” I say in a brief moment of genuine conversation.
“Simon, I saw the paperwork on your desk the other day. The inquiries you’ve been making. You’re still looking for her,” she says carefully.
My stomach knots.Yes, I am still looking for her, and I will never stop. I have to know. I have to know why she left. I need her back.
I clear my throat and stand up straighter.
“It must have been an old inquiry,” I say, trying to brush it off.
She laughs, shaking her head. “Mm. Except it wasn’t. You don’t have to hide it from me, Si. You’ve been struggling with this for five years. I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me about it. But… I do worry. When are you going to let her go andmove on with your life?” Raya’s words are delivered gently, but they feel like a knife in my stomach.
