“You forgot?” Amanda had asked.
“Yes.” Carolyn had snapped. “I got busy. I have a job, remember?”
“Oh, I was just so worried about you. I kind of freaked out.” And, weirdly, Amanda was unable to shake the feeling that something terriblehadhappened to Carolyn. Even though Carolyn was there on the phone, proving that it hadn’t. “And I just—I was going to tell you that I plan to do what you said. I’m going to stand up to Zach. You’re right. I need to change things. I wasn’t okay moving Case here, and I’m still not. I sent him to that stupid camp to make up for it, and now that’s giving me nightmares. It’s ridiculous. All this because I didn’t say something earlier. With my dad around again, especially, I needto—I’m going to have to tell Zach.”
She waited for Carolyn to say “Hooray!” To tell her how fantastic she was and then launch into one of those excellent Carolyn pep talks.
“Great,” was all Carolyn said. Like she didn’t care at all.
Anger bubbled up in Amanda’s chest. “You know, I think maybe my dad was following me in the park because I was stuck there alone waiting for you.”
“Really?” Carolyn asked, paying attention finally. But she did not sound nearly as remorseful as Amanda wanted her to.
“Yeah,really.”
“Listen, Amanda, there’s something I need to tell you,” Carolyn said. “I should have told you this before. But I didn’t want to freak you out. It sounds like you already are, though, so …”
“What is it?” Amanda’s palm was damp beneath the phone.
“I think I saw him.” Carolyn exhaled in a gasp, like she’d been holding her breath.
“Saw who?”
“Your dad. When I was leaving your house.”
“What?” Amanda’s slick hand had started to tremble. She tried to take a deep breath, but her chest resisted.
“He was a few houses down, sitting on a stoop,” Carolyn said. “He got up to leave when he saw me coming. It was dark, so I can’t be one hundred percent sure. But I think it was him. He’s so big. He’s kind of hard to miss.”
Amanda should have felt a fresh wave of terror then, but something about what Carolyn was saying didn’t make sense.
“What do you mean, dark?” Carolyn had come by early in the morning the other day. “You were at my house at night also?”
“Whatever, morning then.”
“But you just said it was dark.”
“No, no. I just meant that I couldn’t see his face well. That’s all. Why are you interrogatingme? I’m just trying to help.”
Amanda thought back to Officer Carbone:Keep askingyourself how he found you.How did her dad track her down in Brooklyn, and after all this time?
“Yeah, okay,” Amanda said. “Thank you.”
“Listen, I have to go.” Carolyn had sounded annoyed again. “I’ll call you later.”
But that was an hour ago, and Carolyn never had called back. Honestly, Amanda wasn’t sure she wanted her to. Whatever was going on with Carolyn, it was giving Amanda the most unpleasant tightness in the pit of her stomach.
It was past midnight by the time Amanda finally heard Zach’s feet on the stairs. Once in their bedroom, he would undress in their huge closet—as he always did—and then slide ever so quietly into bed so as not to wake her. As though she were a ticking bomb and not a wife. Sure enough, a moment later there he was, opening the door, changing in the shadows, then inching into bed, so careful not to make contact.Forgiveness is a side effect of love.What if that was her problem? What if she needed to try harder to forgive her husband his shortcomings? After all, she had them, too, didn’t she?
Zach, Amanda imagined herself whispering to him.I’m scared.
But then Zach sighed heavily, in that way he so often did. Like he was steeling himself to weather their unbearable nighttime closeness. No, Amanda wouldn’t say that. Her dad was getting closer, though. Zach needed to know. But for that, she’d need some actual time with Zach, to ease into telling him. Such a small thing to demand. A little time.
Amanda squeezed her eyes shut. “I need you to do something tomorrow night,” she began, her heart already galloping away in the dark.
“Oh yeah?” Zach asked, like she always asked him to do things in the middle of the night. “What’s that?”
Their marriage wasn’t strong enough to keep her afloat, definitely not. And yet it was all she had. Amanda had no choice but to reach out and grab hold.
