Those nerves and insecurities clung to her along with her sweat-damp T-shirt. She worried that if he looked too closely, he’d see it. She tugged her underwear up and stood to fasten her jeans, mumbling something about cleaning up before heading to the river. Her heart still pounded, limbs still wobbly and pleasure soaked. This wasn’t her. She didn’t let somebody touch her without overthinking it first, let alone outside where anybody could have seen.Thank God the fruit trees and climbing shrubs shielded them from the house.
On the blanket, she’d found a thrill in that uncharacteristically wild abandon, but now her hands shook as they sifted through the cool river’s current. What if he regretted it? What ifshedid? What came next? Oh, God, what would she tellMartha?
Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, especially given I’ve been a terribly absent friend recently, but your brother got super hot so we fondled each other in a field?
She’d sound like a teenager. A selfish, deceitful teenager.
Even if Martha got past the shock, what would she think of them together? Would it ruin their summer?Don’t sleep with your best friend’s sibling without at least talking about it firstwas an unspoken rule in every friendship, surely. She certainly wouldn’t have been happy if Martha did it with… well, her cousin – or, yuck, her dad – since she didn’t have any siblings. It crossed a line.
Raehad crossed a line.
‘Rae.’ Struan’s voice made her startle. His arms slipped around her waist as she straightened with a stumble. ‘Are you okay?’
She didn’t want to turn around, look at the face she’d just kissed, the face that shared so many similarities to her best friend’s, but she could still hear the frown in his voice.
‘Why did we do that?’ she whispered.
‘Because when two people like each other very much…’
She whipped around, jaw clenched tight. It was difficult to be annoyed with him for long, his hair mussed from her fingers and pupils still blown with the pleasureshe’dbrought him.
The way that gaze was always so fixed on her…
She’d never felt so wanted before.And when she’d told him it could take her a while to orgasm, he’d been so patient and understanding. All he’d wanted was to make sure he could get her there. The last man she’d been with had gotten bored after ten minutes, but Struan had been painstaking in his attention, so much so that it hadn’t taken her very long at all. Before now, she’d only ever been comfortable enough to come with her vibrator.
Struan smirked like he found her anxiety hilarious. ‘Why are you freaking out?’
‘Why aren’tyou?’
He cleaned his hands off, water droplets snaking over his wrist and clinging to the fine hair on his forearms. She imagined licking them up the way he had with the berry juice, imagined guttural moans shattering in his throat again, him at her mercy while she explored his most delicate corners.
This was bad. This was very, very bad.
‘You know what? I can guess,’ Rae said right as he opened his mouth to respond. ‘You probably do this all the time. Which is fine. Good for you. I don’t.’
‘Aye, there’s a line of sexual partners waiting at my door as we speak,’ he said flatly.
She didn’t doubt it, even if the words dripped with sarcasm. ‘And this was just a casual summer hook-up, which people probably do all the time. Especially people who wear bead bracelets and hike a lot.’ She pointed to the collection of ropes and beads on his arm,which reminded her of the laid-back surfers she’d seen in Sydney, all tanned, vibrant, free spirits. There were people like them, like him, easy-going and comfortable in their own skin, and then there were people like her, high maintenance, anxious, unable to do anything casually because she was too busy considering every single worst-case scenario, including but not limited to her best friend never speaking to her again.
Struan blinked. ‘What’s wrong with my bracelets?’
She couldn’t reply, too wrapped up in her panic.
‘Okay, can you just breathe a minute?’
‘I’m breathing!’ She gasped loudly in and out just to prove it, loose hair whispering over her lips until she got frustrated and tugged out the tie. She scraped her fingers through her braid and then yanked it into the neatest ponytail she could muster.
‘Is there a way we could talk about this without you having a stroke?’ he asked.
‘Is there a way we can talk about this without you making stupid jokes?’ she snapped back, tilting her chin stubbornly.
He rubbed a frustrated hand over his face. Good. He should be annoyed. He should regret this, too.
‘Look, I get it. This was unexpected. We’ve known each other a long time, and neither of us ever thought there might be something here,’ he said softly. ‘Is it such a terrible thing that there is? Because I thought we both enjoyed what just happened.’
‘We did. I did. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to do it again. I’m not…’ She kicked her wellies into the silt of the riverbank. ‘I’m not good at this.’
‘What’s “this”?’
