‘It’s more than that. Isn’t it?’ His voice was raw with the truth of it.
She took a shaky step back. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I…’ She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘This is new to me.’
‘Aye, I’m not exactly familiar with it, either—’
‘Allof it, I mean. I’ve never…’ A red flush smattered her skin, starting at her collarbone and creeping up to her cheeks.
All at once, he realised what it was she was trying to say. That waterfall, warm before, turned glacial. ‘Shite. Please don’t tell me I ruined your first time by fingering you in a fucking field.’
Her throat bobbed as she reached down to grab her skirt again.
‘Rae,’ he pleaded, standing up. ‘If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let it happen that way—’
‘It wasn’t my first time doingthat. And believe me, the way it happened was perfect for me. But my experience doesn’t go much further than what we’ve already done. I haven’t had sex with a man before.’
It took Struan a moment to process. He’d been so sure she had a string of lovesick millionaires following her all over the planet, desperate to devour all that talent and beauty as well as her delicious food. He rubbed his jaw, asking cautiously, ‘And with a woman?’
She shook her head. ‘Just foreplay, and I was terrible at it.’
‘I doubt that.’ His brows furrowed. ‘Do you want to have sex? With anyone, I mean. I’m not propositioning you right now.’
‘I’m not exactly opposed to it. I was just so focused on my career that it never happened, and now I’m worried it never will. Nobody our age wants to be with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing.’
‘That’s not true. The right person would be glad to guide you through it.’
‘You think?’
He caught her eye, throat tightening. He realised how badly he wanted it to be him. He would make sure she felt every ounce of pleasure he was capable of offering. ‘Iknow.’
‘I’ve never met anybody who I felt safe enough to tell that to,’ she confessed, voice wobbling. ‘Do you still want me, now?’
‘More.’ He took her hand again, dragging her close so he could slide his palm up her thigh. ‘I want you more, sweetheart. God, I can’t stop wanting you.’
She dropped her skirt on the floor again, resting her hands on his chest, where his breath rose and fell too heavily. ‘Maybe we could just let things be whatever they are until Martha gets home. Fighting it isn’t doing either of us any good, and the rule clearly isn’t working. We can’t figure this out if we don’t give ourselves a chance.’
A steady throb began in his belly at the thought of finally getting to touch her again. He groaned again, resting his forehead against hers. He had never hated his job more. ‘Can I see you tonight, then? I was going to end the tour at the farm today, anyway.’
‘Yes.’
Tilting her chin, he pressed a restrained kiss to her lips.
She nudged him away. ‘I have morning breath.’
‘Don’t care,’ he said, coaxing her back.
‘I have wine breath.’
‘Still don’t care.’
‘Peanut butter breath.’
‘Nope.’
‘I’m sweaty.’
‘Really, really don’t care.’
She smiled against his mouth then, and he couldn’t help but do the same.
