“Ma’am?”
“What’s the problem?” Nikki asks in the most professional tone I’ve ever heard from her. Her concerned eyes bounce between the cashier and me.
The cashier gestures to the machine. “The payment was declined. Do you have another form of?—”
“Here, let me get it,” Nikki declares, pressing her own silver card to the machine. My gaze drops to the ground, shame quickly swallowing me whole.
The now satisfied machine dings a happy tone, followed by the chipper sound of the receipt printer. I continue staring at the floor.
“Thank you! Have a great day!”
“You, too.”
Nikki marches forward without another word, pushing our shared cart toward my car. We load our groceries into the trunk in silence, then climb into the front. I hesitate before starting the car, certain I should offer some explanation, but coming up empty.
“So, is everything okay?” Nikki finally asks.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m—I’m so sorry about that,” I mutter. “I’ll pay you back as soon as I have funds back in my account. I’m going to text my mom right now. I think she forgot that I had to buy textbooks this week.”
Nikki nods, understanding. “Oh, okay.” She offers me a sympathetic smile. “It’s all good. No rush.”
Embarrassed, I turn back to my phone and compose a brief message to my mom, explaining the situation and requesting more funds at her earliest convenience. “Not an emergency yet, just FYI,” I add, hopefully ensuring that Mom won’t interrupt my date with Nikki tonight.
Once I hit “send”, I put my phone away and start the car. My music resumes, Nikki rests her hand on my thigh, and at last I’m able to relax.
Just as we’re pulling out of the parking garage, the music is interrupted by an incoming call. I don’t have to look to see who’s calling; nevertheless, MOM pops up on the screen, sending another surge of debilitating fear through my system. If I answer, the call will automatically play through the car speakers, giving Nikki and my mother a direct, unfiltered line of communication. But if I don’t answer, Mom might withhold the funds out of spite, and/or Nikki will view me as an ungrateful child. Once again, I’m immobilized by indecision.
“Are you going to answer?” Nikki asks eventually, tossing me a confused look.
“Yeah, I—I just—” I swallow, accepting my fate. “Yeah. Okay. I’m answering.”
I press the “answer” button on the screen and, in a shaky voice, utter a greeting. “Hello?”
“DEADNAME?”
My stomach churns. Great. Now my girlfriend knows my deadname. “Hey, Mom.”
“I’m so sorry your card got declined! I’m transferring the money to your account right now.”
“Th–thanks. My, um…” I gulp again. “My friend covered my grocery tab, so I’ll need to pay her back.”
“Of course, sweetie,” Mom replies. “Tell her your mom says ‘thank you’.”
I glance over at Nikki and immediately regret it. She’s putting the pieces together, and it’s not exactly the most flattering picture.
“So, it was the textbooks, you think?” Mom continues.
“Yeah,” I answer. “They’re always so overpriced. My Leadership scholarship covered them in my first semester, but it ran out pretty quickly.”
“I’ll say,” Mom agrees. “My goodness. Whyarethese books so expensive?”
I bark out a laugh. “Great question. I wish I knew the answer.”
Mom sighs into the phone, causing an auditory distortion that slightly pops my car’s speakers. “Well, at least you won’t need any more books until January, right?”
“Right.”
“Alright, well, I think this should hold you over for a while,” she says. “Just keep a closer eye on it from now on, okay? I don’t want the bank to fine us for an overdraft or anything.”
