There it is. Celeste was right.
Shit.
“You know what I mean?”
I stare past her into her tiny kitchen. My trembling jaw prevents me from answering. Fuck, why am I so upset? Why am I being so pathetic about this?
“Jude?”
“Hm?”
“Did I lose you?”
I clench my teeth together, stifling a sob. “I’m here.”
Nikki shifts in her chair, and I hear the clink of her fork on the plate. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head, willing myself to stop crying, but it doesn’t work.
“Hey, hey,” she moves her chair to my side of the table and takes my hand. “Talk to me. What’s happening?”
What can I say? That I thought we were serious? That two months is a long time for me to be this happy? That I never imagined I would ever end up with someone as perfect as her, and now I’m risking everything because I’m too needy and clingy?
“Jude, what?—”
“It’s stupid,” I whisper. “I’m fine.”
Nikki wraps an arm around me. “You don’t seem fine.”
“I just thought—I mean, I guess I thought this was serious. I don’t know.”
Nikki goes quiet for a few moments. “We could be serious.”
“What?”
“I mean, it sounds like you’re not even out as nonbinary to your parents. Do they know that you’re into girls?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, that’s what you said before.”
I sigh. “I tried to come out a couple of years back. It…didn’t go well. They think it’s just a phase.”
“You being gay or being nonbinary?”
“Both.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Yeah.”
We sit in silence for several minutes before Nikki finally speaks again. “So, what does being serious look like to you?”
I take a moment to mull it over. “Honestly, my friends are more like family to me than my parents, so maybe meeting and spending time with them?” I pause for a response, but Nikki stays quiet. “They’ve actually been bugging me for a little while because they want to get to know you better. They can be a little overprotective, especially given my dating history.”
“Yeah,” Nikki says with an exhale. “I guess that makes sense.”
“So, would it be okay if we plan some time to hang out with them, too?”
