“Jude’s my Harrison. My best friend. Like, I love all my friends equally, but there’s just something extra between Jude and me. Something special, something stronger. You know?”
Theo lets out a nervous chuckle. “That sounds more like how I would describe my ‘friendship’ with Caleb, dude. Are you sure you’re not attracted to them?”
“Look, you just have to trust that I know what I’m talking about,” I insist, suppressing my frustration. “Besides, Jude has a girlfriend, remember? Nikki?”
Theo taps his thumb on the steering wheel. “Yeah, I know, but…sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants.”
“It’s not like that,” I assert. “My heart doesn’twantlike that. My heart wants friendship and camaraderie. And probably less saturated fats.”
Theo gives me another quick glance. “So, if Jude and Nikki broke up, you seriously wouldn’t even try to be with Jude?”
With growing irritation, I shake my head emphatically. “Not romantically, no. We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Why would I lie about this?”
“I don’t think you’re lying, I just worry you might be in denial.”
I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. “Whatever, dude, just… Can you trust me to know my own feelings?”
Theo hesitates. “Feelings have never been your strong suit, Oliver.”
“Well, maybe I’m working on that,Theo,” I snap. “I thought you, of all people, would sympathize with me grappling with my new and unfamiliar sexuality, but I guess I was wrong.”
Theo says nothing for several seconds. Refusing to look at him, I stare out the window, watching the scenery pass by. Whyis this so hard? Is it really so unimaginable not to feel attraction? Is this my fault for being so unserious all the time?
“You’re right,” Theo finally croaks. “I’m sorry.”
I turn to look at Theo, and while his focus is still on the road, there’s a distant look in his eyes. “It’s okay,” I mumble.
“No, it’s really not,” he continues. “You’ve always been so supportive of me, even when you didn’t understand what I was going through, so the least I can do is trust that you know more about this than I do.”
A small laugh escapes my lungs. “I thought about that day recently.”
“What day?”
“The day you came out to us.”
Theo’s lip twitches up into a crooked smile. “And how weird you were?”
“Yeah. I think in hindsight, my reaction makes at least a little more sense now.”
“How so?”
“I couldn’t understand why you were so insistent on being more than just friends with Caleb, knowing how much your parents would disapprove. Like, couldn’t you simply wait until you moved out on your own and then make the relationship physical?”
Theo considers this, then erupts into laughter. “Oh, my god, I’ve never thought of it like that. You thought I was risking everything just for sex.”
“Basically, yeah!”
“Wow,” Theo remarks. “And here I thought you just couldn’t handle change.”
“Well, I mean, I don’t handle change well, either, but that may be related to something else. Perhaps a touch of the ‘tism?”
“Same,” Theo mumbles. “Maybe someday we’ll get properly diagnosed.”
“Nah, where’s the fun in that?”
“Ollie-bear!”
“Hey, Charli Horse!”
