Her voice is comforting.
“Exposure therapy can be uncomfortable. So can somatic healing. But I’m really proud of you for opening up to Amos about your dad. That must have taken a lot of courage.”
Her long silver hair and dimpled cheeks remind me of Beth.
Especially the way her eyes crinkle in the corners when she laughs.
“Still one thing I haven’t had the guts to tell him,” I confess.
“Oh?”
I fidget with the hem of my shirt, cheeks warming as I say it.
“I haven’t told him that I love him. That I’ve loved him for a while. Almost said it out loud when we were at the lake. I was so fucking close.”
“And when you’re ready, you will,” she offers warmly. “There’s no rush.”
I’ve been dying to say it.
I nearly told Amos the night of the storm, too.
But I can’t bear the thought of losing him.
Last time I loved someone this deeply, they left.
Having an unbreakable bond crumble is enough to make trust crumble too.
Saying those words makes it so much harder to watch someone leave.
So maybe if I remain on this side of the line, Amos will stay a little longer.
“What if he doesn’t feel the same?” I brood. “He hasn’t told me that he loves me yet either.” My anxiety stirs again. “What if he thinks I’m too intense? Every time I love someone, they pull away. Or they move to another country. Or they…”
Sam waits for me to finish the thought.
But I never do.
Olsen cheating on me is something I’ve tried really hard to forget.
“How about we cross that bridge when you come to it,” she says. “You’ll find the courage. I really do believe it will be worth it, Marco.”
“To cross the bridge?”
“Yes. From what you’ve told me so far, Amos cares about you veryverymuch. And I admire that you’ve chosen to do these sessions with me, so that the heavy load you’re unpacking from your past doesn’t fall too much on his shoulders.”
“I need to protect him,” I sigh. “I can’t expect him to carry all of this.”
Fear surges through me, eyes brimming.
“If it’s too much for him, he might walk away.”
Sam leans forward to nudge the tissue box closer. Her face softens.
“I honestly believe that if Amos was the type of man who couldn’t handle your trauma, you’d already know by now. He’s stuck by you through it all.”
“He has,” I agree.
“The thing is, Marco… sometimes when we’re used to being abandoned, it can feel unsettling when somebodystays. Our fears twist our thoughts. And my job is to help you learn to tell the difference between truth and fear.”
