He was wounded. He was wounded just like she was. In different ways, with different kinds of weapons, but she could see in the way that he responded to being called beautiful, that he hadn’t felt desired in a very long time.
That part of this was that he simply hadn’t been able to believe that she had strong enough feelings for him to be with him for the simple reason that she wanted to.
That she cared.
“Take me,” she whispered against his mouth.
He growled, positioning himself between her thighs and thrusting inside of her. She gasped, arching up against him, as he took her over and over again.
Desire built deep inside her body, and when she came, she pulsed around him, squeezing him tight, pushing him over the edge too. He growled, his forehead pressed against hers as he shuddered out his orgasm, as he spilled himself inside of her.
She clung to his shoulders, out there in the burning bright sun, replete. Satisfied, and yet also terrified.
“We can’t pretend that this isn’t part of us,” she said.
“I…”
“We can’t,” she said.
He rolled away from her, and sat up. Then he nodded slowly. “I want you,” she said, touching his shoulder. “Don’t you see?”
“Yes,” he responded.
He turned to her, pressing his thumb against her lower lip. His eyes blazed into hers, his voice gruff, strained. “I want you too. In ways that astonish me. Even before my marriage, I knew that I couldn’t afford to carry out love affairs. I was very discreet whenever I did. I have never been undone like this. Not ever. I need you to know that. I need you to know it isn’t simply because I was celibate for as long as I was.”
It healed something in her to hear that.
“Well, I’m not a virgin because I’ve never had the opportunity. Well, I’m not a virgin anymore,” she said, putting her hand on her stomach and rolling to her side. “What I mean is, there was no one who tempted me. Whatever you believe, it isn’t because you were a king. You were off-limits.”
“Women have tried to seduce me before. Even when I was married.”
“And I didn’t,” she said.
He shook his head. “No. You didn’t. You just talked to me.”
“It made me happy to see you every day. I was okay with that. Just seeing you. Being near you. It gave me something that I didn’t have anywhere else. It’s an extremely embarrassing thing to admit.”
Admitting that she’d had a crush on her husband was so lowering. But then, he seemed to need to hear it, and that helped soothe some of the sting.
“It’s rebuilding something inside of me,” he said, reaching out and touching her face. “Which I suppose is wholly unfair given everything that I put you through. Given that I’m a king, and you…”
“I’m lowly? I am a worm?”
“You are not. You’re extraordinary. I treated you very badly. I’m genuinely very sorry about it. It was foolish of me. It was cowardice. You’re right. I had feelings about my own behavior and I took it out on you. You’re also right that I was the one who made up an entire story that caused all of this strife.” He paused for a moment. “All this time, I thought that being too soft, letting people in, that was the only way that I could cause damage. But this… I hurt you.”
She realized that it wasn’t so much shock that he’d hurt her that he was dealing with now, but that he cared about it. She wondered how long it had been since he’d had to take another person’s emotions into account.
“I will do my best not to hurt you again,” he said.
“Well, I don’t know that you should try to make that promise. Because we will be married for a very long time. At least, that’s the goal. And I have a feeling you and I have yet to say all the things that we have to say to each other.”
“That’s very pragmatic.”
“I’m not actually very pragmatic. At least, I think I don’t want to be. That isn’t quite my goal. I would love to dream.”
“What if I told you that you could? That I care about your dreams?”
“Why? Because you enjoy having sex with me?”
