The trip. The one to Manchester for the ball. The one I wasn’t taking because I had to care for Ethel. According to Amy’s little schedule, Chloe was doing Sunday mornings; would she not be able to take those kinds of trips anymore? Or what about Patricia, who was down for Thursday nights AND Sunday afternoons? Could she not go on holidays with her family to sail the Norwegian fjords because she needed to look after Ethel? Could none of them go to the Ren Faire because of me?
No, this didn’t solve anything. As lovely a gesture as it was, and as tempting as I found it, if only for the knowledge that I wouldn’t lose these wonderful people, I couldn’t let them do it. It would be bringing them down with me, which was exactly what I’d been trying to avoid all this time.
“No way,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s really kind of you, but I can’t let you all do that. It’s too much.”
“It’s really not,” Chloe said from the doorway as she took off her shoes and followed Patricia into the room. “We wouldn’t have offered if we didn’t want to do it.”
“You’re family, Philip,” Patricia said, walking up beside me and squeezing my shoulders. “This is what family does.”
As the others filtered in– first Jack and Alan, then Fatima and Grey and Morgan, and finally Pablo, presumably having sniffed every inch of the house– they all offered some sort of confirmation that they wanted to be there. Wanted to help. Even Pablo jumped up onto my lap and started licking my hand.
“When I moved home,” Jack said, “I was so useless, but you came and sat with me all the time whilst I built my house, even when I didn’t speak to you.”
“And whenIhad toleavehome,” Chloe said, “you came in the middle of the night and moved me out, no questions asked.”
“You’ve fed us family dinner as much as I have over the years,” Patricia said, which was an egregious exaggeration, but she squeezed my hand in such a motherly way that I was incapable of arguing.
“When Jared and I broke up,” Fatima said, “you sent me a meme every day for a month. Always at the same time, as if you’d set a reminder to check in on me. That was how important it was to you.”
Grey cleared their throat. “Then there’s all the brownies, cookies, lemon bars, and birthday cakes, and not to mention the costumes you’ve insisted on making for us all, even though we know you’ve been burning yourself out to finish them.”
Everyone looked at Alan, who shrugged. “You take amazing care of Ethel,” he said. “And for every good thing you’ve done, she’s done ten over the course of her life. We owe her a great debt of friendship, which means we owe you that debt too. Because you’ve kept her here with us.”
I wouldn’t have thought Alan Evans could make me cry– at least not from being nice– but his words were ultimately what sent the tears streaming down my face. I gripped Patricia’s hand tighter as I sniffed, trying to stop them from coming. But I couldn’t.
Which was unfortunate, because I had something to say.
“You’re all so lovely,” I managed, “and I understand why you want to do this. But I can’t let you. I’ve been doing it for long enough to know how thankless it is.”
“We don’t need your thanks,” Patricia said. “We just need you to let us help. We love her too, Philip.”
“You can help,” I said, nodding. “I promise, I’ll let you do all the rest of this. I graciously accept your offers to make us food and renovate our bathroom. But not this. I can’t let you do this.” I pointed at the care schedule on the screen.
I looked up at Amy, whose face was set in anger as she stared down at her hands. She’d worked so hard on this; I could tell. If her presentation to her dad had been anywhere near as well thought out and earnest as this, I was almost certainly looking at the new full-time Operations Manager at Evans Contractors. But now I was telling her no, despite all that hard work. And she looked angry.
“You selfish, scared idiot,” she muttered. “You know none of that other stuff will make a difference if you don’t let someone share the load with you.”
Alan put a hand on her shoulder and shushed her, but I wished he wouldn’t. She had every right to say that to me after the way I’d treated her. And I was scared. I spent every moment of every day terrified that I was screwing things up.
But I refused to be selfish anymore, or to act from my fear, especially where Ethel was concerned.
“I choose option one.”
It took Amy a moment to process what I’d said, but her eyes slowly lifted to mine as she did.
“You what?”
“I choose option one,” I repeated. “I think you’re right. It’s time. Being so fucking for real.”
This earned me a smile, and I looked up to see the others smiling, too. Alan didn’t even call me out for my language.
“You’re making the right call,” Patricia said, crouching down next to me and squeezing my arms, but I couldn’t look away from her daughter, who was still holding my gaze, her own eyes dampening.
“We can start the work next week,” Jack said, “so you’re ready as soon as possible for someone.”
Amy swallowed hard. I could feel my restraint fraying, desperate to leap out of my seat and across the room to her. I could hold her face in my hands and kiss her freckled cheeks and wrap her in my arms and not let her go until she forgave me for being so selfish and scared, just like she’d said.
“Can you give us a minute?” she asked, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.
