I still didn’t look away from Amy, so I couldn’t see people’s reactions to her question, but I saw them leave out of the corner of my eye, and I felt Patricia pull away from my side.
“You sure?” I asked as the others retreated.Because I don’t know what I’ll do once we’re alone, I thought.
“I’m sure,” she said, then just sat there watching my face until the door clicked shut.
I was barely an inch out of my seat before she started speaking, freezing me to the spot.
“So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she said, then smiled as if she’d told a joke. “And it’s important to me that I say something to you.”
“Yeah?” I asked, sitting back down. “What’s that?”
She let out a deep breath and closed her eyes, clearly bolstering herself, then continued without opening them again.
“I love you.”
My mouth went instantly dry. “You… you what?”
“I love you,” she said again, more confidently this time, opening her eyes and finding mine again. She didn’t look terrified or embarrassed or desperate, all of which I was sure I looked in that moment. She looked… calm.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted, but she shook her head.
“Say nothing then. I just wanted you to know. I love you. And I don’t mean that I’m in love with you, to be clear.”
She frowned and looked off to the side as if considering that, then shrugged and carried on.
“Well, okay, what I mean is, loving and being in love are two different things. You know that. Everybody knows that. Right?”
“Sure,” I said, on board with that in theory, but where was she going with this?
“I’ve beeninlove with you since I had even an inkling of what that meant. And I always hoped that ours was going to be the twin flame, soulmate, two sides of the same coin kind of love. But that was because I never really knew you well enough to just love you.”
Part of me wanted to argue– she knew me better than anyone else, I was sure of it. But she was right; that hadn’t always been the case. As many times as she’d accused me of seeing her as just my best friend’s little sister, until recently, I’d mostly been her big brother’s best friend, and little else.
“Until this summer,” she continued, “when that deep, human caring for you came out of nowhere. So the way all those other people have loved you for a long time? I love you like that now, too. I’ve loved you almost my whole life in one way or another, and regardless of what I’ve felt, or what I’ve hoped, I’m not about to stop. I can love you like a friend if that’s what you need.”
Screw what I needed, that wasn’t what Iwantedat all. But I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to confuse her– or myself– any more.
“And I think,” she continued, “and feel free to keep it to yourself if I’m wrong, that for you it was the other way around.”
I frowned. “How do you mean?”
“I mean that you loved me as a friend long before this summer. You knew who I was in a way I didn’t know you. I don’t know how, but you did. And then maybe this summer was when the ‘in love’ part started to build for you.”
“You’re wrong,” I said without thinking, but she held up a finger, and I snapped my mouth shut before I could explain.
“Keep it to yourself, big boy.”
I bit back a laugh and nodded for her to carry on.
“The point I’m trying to make,” she said, “is that people fall in and out of love, but I’ve got that other kind of love for you now. And it’s not going away. You may be able to push me away from being your lover, but you can’t make me go away entirely. So that’s why I’m here. It’s why we’re all here. Because you may have really hurt me, but I’m still your friend. And I refuse to let you do this alone.”
She was crying now, too, and I pushed out of my chair before I could stop myself, coming to sit next to her on the sofa. I reached my hands up to wipe her tears away, but she held her palm up to stop me.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice croaking. “I’m okay. Or at least I will be. But not if you do that. Just please let us help, okay?”
“Amy, I’m so?—”
“No,” she said firmly, and I clamped my mouth shut. “Just nod. You’ll let us help you, yes?”
