My stomach did a little flip.Thiswas the man who’d approved our grant, here to see how we’d spent the money.Onone level,Iwas thrilled to see him– he was the reasonIhad my job, after all– but on another level,Iwas terrified.Ifhe didn’t like the event, what would that mean?Couldhe take the money back?Makeit soJencouldn’t hire me permanently?
I needn’t have worried though.
“This is wonderful,”Dafyddsaid warmly. “Reallyamazing turnout, andI’mimpressed at how many other local businesses you’ve included.Moneywell spent, as far asI’mconcerned.”
“Thank you,”Imanaged, my heart racing at the validation.Ipulled my tablet out from under my arm. “Doyou want me to show you some of whatIhave planned for after the event?Thevendor partnerships, or the community engagement strategy?”
“Oh,I’moff duty today,”Dafyddsaid with a smile, holding up his free hand, andIfelt myself flush at how stronglyI’dcome on.AtleastIwas enthusiastic? “I’mexcited to just enjoy the festival with my family.Butplease do put in a meeting request with my office–I’dlove to hear more about your approach in a formal setting.”
“Absolutely,”Isaid, already making a mental note to follow up first thingMonday.
Dafydd and his family walked off towards the art station, andJenleaned in, smiling and subtly squealing.
“They seem really happy!” she said, watching them go.
“I know,”Isaid, still disbelieving. “Evenwith the rain plan.”
“We should talk about what the autumn event schedule will look like after your time off,”Jensaid quietly to me before following them. “I’vebeen looking over all the ideas you’ve shared, andIthink there are some exciting options.”
My heart leapt.Theautumnevent schedule?Thatsounded like confirmation that she was planning to keep me around.ConfirmationI’dbeen desperate for all summer.Buthonestly,Ididn’t know what to do with that information right now.
As one of the sound techs waved at me from across the room,Itried my best to put it out of my mind.Istill had this event to finish beforeIcould worry about the next, and getting ahead of myself wouldn’t make that any easier.
* * *
The silent auctionclosed around five o’clock, andIwent to tally up the final numbers.WhenIfinished the calculations,Ihad to double-check them.We’dsomehow raised over five thousand pounds for the rewilding trust.
I looked around forPatricia, who would receive the donation on the charity’s behalf, spotting her near the stage.Shewas gleefully dancing withAlan, who looked like he was tolerating rather than enjoying the experience but was being a good sport about it.Nextto them, shockingly, wereJenandMaggie, whose jobs were done for the day.Theirarms were looped around one another as they swayed, holding eye contact.I’dhave to askTeddyabout that some other time.
I started to walk towardsPatriciawhen someone stepped into my path.
“Chloe.”
“Mum,”Isaid, surprised. “Ididn’t know you were coming.”
“I saw your social media posts,” she said. “Ididn’t even know you had a new job.Ihad to find out from your marketing materials?”
I felt the familiar flush of guilt and defensiveness. “Iwasn’t sure if the change was going to be permanent.Ididn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up.”
“And, is it?Permanent?”
I nodded. “Ithink so.Imean,Ihope so.I’mreally enjoying it.”
My mother looked around the warehouse, taking in the music and laughter, the families with paint-stained children, the slightly chaotic but joyful atmosphere.
“It seems … lively,” she said, her face impassive, her tone unreadable.ButIknew something she didn’t.Iknew she’d been enjoying herself.I’dseen her wandering around, admiring everythingI’dworked so hard for months to create.I’dseen the smile on her face; the one she apparently couldn’t bring herself to give me now.
Something clicked inside me– confirmation that her disapproval had never been about the reality of my life.Mychoices.Shewas determined to be disgruntled, no matter what was going on.Nomatter how it might impact me.
I supposed it would have been too much to hope for a happy reconciliation; an admission of being wrong, so inspired by whatI’dachieved that she couldn’t help but treat me differently.No, my mum was who she was, and one festival, no matter how successful, wasn’t going to change that.
I thought about calling her out on the hypocrisy; telling her thatIknew she was full of shit.Butwhat good would that do?Wouldit make me feel better to have it out with her here and now?
No,Iknew it wouldn’t.Icould be proud of whatI’ddone, even if she wasn’t.
“It is lively,”Isaid instead. “AndI’mreally proud.”
She gave me a tight smile that wasn’t really a smile– turned down at the corners, a crease in the centre of her forehead– and nodded. “Ofcourse, dear.”
