We arrived at the event space just as the ceremony was beginning, which was exactly when we’d been told to come.Theproblem was that the ceremony and reception spaces were only separated by curtains, so we had to set up our bar quietly whilst the couple exchanged vows, nearly throwing out our backs lugging the kegs, having discovered the trolley had a squeaky wheel.Honestly, why hadTeddybeen doing this at theRenFaireall those months ago?
It was practically impossible to stay quiet enough not to disrupt the wedding, mainly because everything we overheard was absolutely insane and threatened to break us open into fits of giggles.
“I’m so lucky to be marrying the second most beautiful woman in the world,” the groom said earnestly in his vows, “afterMargotRobbie, of course.”
“Fucking men,”Teddymuttered under her breath, even as the guests laughed politely.
“Fucking straight people,”Iadded, and we both held back laughter as the wedding coordinator shot us murderous looks.
It only got worse from there.Teddycorrectly predicted they’d use the reading fromCaptainCorelli’sMandolin, andInearly lost it when the song for signing the register turned out to be “CherryWine” byHozier.
“Interesting choice for an aspirational love song,”Iwhispered toTeddy. “Doyou think they have any idea what it’s about?”
“Maybe they just like the melody,” she whispered back. “Theydon’t seem to be the types to look much past the pretty noises.”
They were also the types to hit the bar hard, and despite the stock of beer and wine that had been given to us, most people opted for mead as a sort of novelty.Thework was simpler than our usual vendor events, just bartending rather than selling, but it was infinitely more exhausting.Bythe end of dinner,I’dbeen hit on by at least a dozen men, including the best man, no fewer than five times, and the groom himself once.Thisrarely bothered me–Ialways got a weird power trip knowing a man could become obsessed with me andIwould never feel the same– but drunken groomsmen were a different breed of lusty, and it was frankly just sad to witness, and even worse to be on the receiving end.ButIwas delighted to catch what looked like flashes of jealousy onTeddy’sface each time someone tried to chat me up.
The drunkenness came to a head sometime between the first dance and the cake cutting, when the bride, already absolutely plastered, nearly toppled face-first into said wedding cake.Teddymanaged to catch her just in time, and the bride was so grateful she kissedTeddyon the cheek, leaving a big lipstick print onTeddy’sskin that was almost as red as her face.Afterthat, the bride kept dragging family members over to meet “the girl who saved the wedding,” and thoughTeddywaved them off every time, she kept coming back.
“I think the bride fancies you more than her new husband,”Ijoked.
“At leastI’dbe able to find the clit after a few drinks.”
I felt heat flood my entire body at the casual comment, even asItried to play it off with a snigger, and we stared at each other for a tense moment before cracking up laughing again.
When the hotel’s licensing hours ended at around eleven, we still had mead left, so we filled glasses and left them on the bar for the guests.Thebride came over and insisted we join the fun, too.
“Come and party with us,” she insisted, her words slurring.Wouldshe even remember her own wedding,Iwondered?Thoughmaybe that was the point…
“We don’t want to impose,”Teddysaid, but the bride was shaking her head.Shepicked up two glasses off the bar, handed one to each of us, and then draggedTeddyby the arm onto the dance floor.Shedeposited her in the middle of the crowd, andIwatched asTeddylooked around in confusion.Shefound my gaze, and we laughed at one another from across the room.Itipped back the drinkI’dbeen given, taking a long swig of theHenford– my favourite– and then went to join her.
The bride came back toTeddyaround the timeIgot to her, a huge smile on her face. “Itold theDJto put on something gay,” she shouted over the music. “Shouldbe on next.”IsupposedIshould be pleased that at least the drunken bride had decent gaydar, but mostlyIwas just concerned about what theChainsmokerswannabe behind the decks would think constituted gay music.
At almost that exact moment, the song began to transition, incredibly clunkily, between “GetLow” byLilJonand, naturally, “PinkPonyClub”.
We danced– of course we did; it was “PinkPonyClub”– andIwas shocked at how into itTeddywas, losing herself in a wayI’dnever seen before.Itprobably helped that her glass was already almost empty; she’d clearly needed some liquid courage.Peoplekept bringing us more drinks, too, and when we tried to leave, more than an hour and multiple meads each later, the bride insisted we stay, even having the long-suffering wedding coordinator set up chairs for us at one of the tables.
We settled in with cheese from the enormous snacking board, andIfound myself admiring again how relaxed and slouchyTeddygot when she drank.Itmade me realise that theCaptainElizabethSwannvibes had been as much about her natural demeanour as the actual costume– though, admittedly, the costume hadn’t hurt.
“They seem sort of sweet,”Isaid, watching the newlyweds attempt to feed each other cake without making a complete mess. “Atleast he didn’t smash her face into the frosting.”
“Sweet?”Teddyraised an eyebrow. “Hetold her in front of all her friends and family that she’s the second hottest woman alive.That’snot sweet, that’s insulting.”Shewas clearly very merry, and she stumbled a bit on the last word, saying it like “inslutting” instead, which she clearly found very hilarious, chuckling to herself.
“But they’re so optimistic about it all,”Isaid. “Sosure they’re going to make it work.”
“Do you believe in all that?”Teddyasked, waving her hand at god-knows-what, her voice softer. “Happyever after,Imean?”
I considered the question, twirling my glass between my fingers. “Ido, actually.Ithink so, anyway.EventhoughIhaven’t had much luck with it myself.”
“Surely there are people lined up around the block to be with you,”Teddysaid, and there was something almost wistful in her voice.
“There aren’t that many queer women in my town,”Isaid with a shrug. “Andthe onesIhave met … well, they’re all friends.Itmakes things complicated.”
“Isn’t that the way of things, though?Partof the sapphic territory and all that?”
I laughed. “Maybe.Butit’s never quite worked for me.Ican’t move on unless there’s distance.Andbesides,”Itook a larger sip of mead thanI’dintended to, “I’ma bit much for most of the womenI’mattracted to, so it can be a bit embarrassing for everyone involved.”
Teddy frowned. “Whatdo you mean?”
