?“What a coward,” I quietly seethe. It may be childish or stupid or worthless, but I stand and to her back I call, “You are a coward, Mavyllora Sanivin Tsukkenai!”
?I may not know everything, but I do know I would do everything in my power to keep and protect my fated.
Forty-One
Mavyn – March 19
Classes aren’t mandatory since it’s study week before exams begin on Monday. So I have been in this bed since sometime early Tuesday morning. Whatever time it was after I left the library. Three days I’ve laid in the same position on my side, my eyes never leaving the small horizontal crack in the white paint on the wall.
?I told Jullia she’ll need to stay with Asher. She came back to the room with me to collect a bag of clothes since we also don’t have to wear our uniforms this week and she hasn’t been back. It’s better, especially because I’m free bleeding all over my sheets and have been since Tuesday night.
?What a coward. You are a coward, Mavyllora Sanivin Tsukkenai!
?Itoldthem.
?I SAID SO.
?I said they will regret it. They should have let my body die back in Novam. Hell, they should have let me die back in Septmust. Broken and bloodied anddoneon that field. There was a reason that fate I wrote killed me too.
?Uncontrollable.
?I didn’t make that death blow just to kill those rebels. I wasn’t solely speaking to that bone witch when I told her I’d show her what true burning was. Stars burn and burn and burn and then they die. A supernova. The death of a star.
?I was writing my own death blow.
?Everything hurts. My body, my mind, my soul. And the only person I can blame is myself. The whole reason I’m in this mess. How easy it would have been if I had just died back then. How easy it would have been if I had stopped my own heart instead of that devil’s.
?I concentrate on it. The flow of my blood in my veins, pumping through my body. Entering my heart, holding, exiting the organ. It would be so easy.
?I bring my wish up to the surface. Consuming more aura than it should and a shutter going through my body at the strain now that it’s closer to devouring me. But it’s right there. I could make my wish to sever the bond between me and Varian. He’d feel it, but I’d stop my heart right here and now and then it would be finished.
?So easy.
?That’s always been the problem. It’s all always so easy. Killing and harming and pain.
?Coward.
?Yes. Even killing myself right now would be cowardly. Taking the easy way out. Except when has my life ever been easy? From the moment I was born I was cursed.
?I shove the wish away, back to the deepest parts of me to stay dormant. I owe it tohim. Forgotten God of Blood Moons. I do not get to kill myself now until I’ve made him remembered. Until I can give him peace.
?The door and walls shake with the force as Thorne bangs on it. He screams for me. His fury so tangible I can feel it down our line even though our fate isn’t cemented. I was waiting for him. I was waiting for a lot more than just him considering Callahan tried killing himself thirty minutes ago.
?I had felt it. I had felt it and I knew it was my fault and instead of ripping through this school to try and get to him I had bluntly told Varian he needed to tell someone and then sealed up the open connection between us.
?The only movement I had made was to blink and breathe. Even now, as Thorne continues yelling at me. Screaming and raging. I do nothing.
?Coward.
?I can feel Varian trying everything in his power to break through my seal. To rip through my shields and walls. Thorne is doing the same on the other side of the door. Neither will get through. I have runic shields covering both this room and my mind in addition to all the others.
?Numbness creeps into the recesses of my mind. It would also be so easy to hide within my mind and let my body die. It’s always so quiet where I hide. An empty darkness where nothing can touch or hurt me. Another coward’s way out.
?Time glitches. . . or maybe I do. Darian is banging on my door now. He’s not as manic as Thorne was, but I can feel his rage too. His frustration. Castiel comes next, and I can feel Percius with him. Trying to coax me out before realizing they can’t and then they let their anger win.
?Jullia and Asher are next. My friend tries making an excuse that she needs something for school. Then Thorne comes back to beg. I hate that he does it. Castiel after and Darian doesn’t come back.
?The hours bleed.
