Her eyes studied every inch of his face, his irritation with Miss Bingley obvious by his furrowed brows and lips that were pressed tightly together, lips that set Elizabeth’s heart on fire.
Even though their situation was frightening, she doubted not that her dreams would recall in detail every touch, every whisper, every scent. Sitting in a corner with Jane on one side and Lydia on the other, Elizabeth pulled the offered blanket under her chin, closed her weary eyes, and slept.
CHAPTER 19
The colonel joined Darcy on the top step, guaranteeing privacy.
“‘Tis a motley crew we have here, Darce.”
“Aye.” Darcy rubbed his palms over his face and then surveyed the room. Reaching forward, he tapped the shoulder of a footman. “Please extinguish all but two candles. We no longer need the light, and the air is already fetid from the men.”
Once the task was complete, muted darkness from the one lit candle shrouded the room. He could no longer see Elizabeth. However, Mrs. Hammond was resting in a chair under one of the sconces. A few wisps of snow-white hair escaped the confines of her coiffure, her lovely gown was rumpled, and the lines of her face were pronounced. She was a fine woman, the age his grandmothers would be had they lived. In many ways, Mrs. Hammond reminded him of his maternal grandmother, Lady Millicent Fitzwilliam. Slight of form with a big personality, she loved her grandsons, particularly him and Richard. From their earliest ages, she would focus her full attention on them when they entered a room. She encouraged their youthful escapades, even joining along when she had an opportunity.
Resting his head against the wall, Darcy regretted that any children he might have in the future would only know Mr. and Mrs. Bennet as grandparents.
What? What in the world was he thinking?Blast!He was tired and not thinking clearly. He rubbed his face again, sitting erect. His weary mind clearly understood what his rational mind already knew. Kissing Elizabeth Bennet sealed his fate. Even though no one witnessed their breach of propriety, his honor was engaged. They would marry.
Richard murmured, interrupting his thoughts.
“I fear for Forster’s regiment, with their tents exposed to the elements. I can only hope they were able to find shelter. If Forster is efficient then he would have determined how best to protect his men when the wind started to blow the dust around several weeks ago.”
Had Wickham made it to safety?Not wanting to bring him up to Richard to avoid the inevitable argument, Darcy replied, “We were not in Meryton more than a few moments before several of the residents spoke of the chalk caves in this part of Hertfordshire. Without a doubt, any newcomer is greeted with the same information. Surely, the residents would already know which cave would be closest to them. I cannot see them withholding the information from the regiment.”
“Yes, even I heard about the chalk streams and caves,” Richard noted. “Once the winds abate and these good people return to their homes, they will be facing an overwhelming amount of damage.” He pointed to the area surrounding Mrs. Hammond, where Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas leaned against each other in quiet slumber. “I find it interesting that neither woman sought solace from their family members. Nonetheless, I am not surprised. Instead, like so many others before them, they found solace with each other despite bickering earlier. Even though they disagree, they are kindred spirits whose mainconcern is the future of their children. It will be the same when it comes to rebuilding. I witnessed it on the continent. Give a woman with a measure of compassion for others a mission, and they will move mountains to accomplish it. You will see, Darcy. What a regiment of men fail to do, these seemingly helpless females will band together and conquer.”
“Is that not the way of both our mothers?” Darcy replied. “Our fathers, with their strong objectives and grand plans, would be confounded at all their wives accomplished with little fuss.”
“When I marry, I want a woman like that, Darcy, one who will not flail helplessly with every problem that presents itself. One who will trust me with her fears and her tears even as she shares her quiet strength with me to ease my own.”
Each phrase his cousin uttered described Elizabeth Bennet.
Darcy mused, “What I find interesting, dear cousin, is how often you have spoken of matrimony since your arrival here. In fact, I calculate it to be far more than any mention of your plans to leave the military and pursue an entrepreneurship together.”
“Bah!” Richard chortled. “If I were surrounded by my men, I would speak of them. Were I to have in my hands the plans Trevithick showed me, I would speak of the glories of inventions and what it will mean for England’s future. Since I am at a disrupted ball where there are more females remaining than men, I think and speak of ladies.”
Darcy watched Richard’s fingers. There it was, the snap of his index finger away from his thumb, something his cousin did when his thoughts were unsettled. It was why Richard refused to gamble. The subconscious signal proved too difficult to master. His cousin was not being completely honest.
How could he demand candor from Richard when he was not being truthful himself? He needed to quit pretending that he had everything under control. He kissed Elizabeth Bennet. In truth,he was eager to have her again in his embrace, which he would be able to do once they married. His father would roll over in his grave were he to take her as wife making her the mistress of Pemberley. With that said, Darcy would force himself not to regret his actions, regardless of what his family would think and how it would affect Georgiana’s prospects.
Pressing his fingertips over his eyes, Darcy quickly calculated the cost to his reputation in attaching himself to the Bennets. He would be fooling himself to think there would be no repercussions.At the same time, the damage from thetondiscovering the truth about Wickham would be so much more.
He sighed.
“Richard, by virtue of being responsible sons, we have the expectations of generations who came before us on our shoulders. These expectations strip us of the privilege of choice. Our futures and that of our children are not our own to determine. Unless something out of the ordinary happens”—like a kiss or two in the darkness—“our course is set.”
His cousin shook his head violently. “Had I never gone to war and been faced with the reality of how quickly a life can be ended, I would agree with you. Life is short. Additionally, the whole world is changing quickly. These two inarguable facts mean thatwedetermine whether our life has joy or not. We are, the both of us, principled men who understand the difference between right and wrong. Others, like Wickham, have no clue, nor do they care that they walk a blurry line between the two. If our decisions follow those principles, then who has the right to condemn us? Surely, not our ancestors since our choices cannot or will not affect them.”
“Then you would marry a milkmaid?” Darcy asked.
Without hesitation, Richard replied, “If she were equally principled, intelligent enough to educate our children to have proper conduct and make wise choices, and of a happy,compassionate nature, I would not hesitate. Darcy, as I have repeatedad nauseam, do you want to live your life trying to satisfy others’ expectations of the master of Pemberley constantly or do you want to be happy and content in your old age? Which would guarantee a healthy environment for your children and grandchildren?”
“I am listening.” There was no one Darcy respected more than Richard. From the first time Richard returned from the continent, he spoke of making independent choices from that of their fathers. Perhaps it was time he paid attention.
“Darcy, in thirty years, most, if not all of the current aristocracy, will be gone, leaving behind our peers controlling government, banking, and the church. What sort of name do you want to have, then? I want my grandchildren to want to spend time with their grandfather, who will join their play, tell witty war stories, and who embarrasses his sons and daughters with the open affection he shows his wife. For me, who has seen families ripped apart by greed and ambition, I long for peace.”
“As do I,” Darcy admitted.
“Something else to think about is what could happen in this storm. We are none of us infallible, destined for some great important task here on this earth. I saw it over and over. Generals died as easily and quickly as enlisted men.” Richard bumped Darcy’s shoulder with his own. “I also rereadThe Storm. Defoe spoke of the loss of human life running into the thousands. Whole estates, including great stone houses, were demolished with a multitude of families losing everything they worked for or inherited. The five days of the storm changed the trajectory of life for everyone in England, whether they lived in the path of the wind and rain or not. Crops were gone. Imports vanished with the many ships that sank. Forests were so twisted and gnarled that their wood was unable to be salvaged to help with the rebuilding of the country. My point is this: our futuresare not guaranteed. Change could come quickly. If this storm does not end our lives or damage our assets beyond repair, banks could fail, parliament could increase taxes, or war could be fought here instead of France. Thus, I seek my happiness while helping others where I am able. If my plans happen to coincide with that of my parents, then it is good. If they do not, then my parents will need to adjust their expectations. I am not a pawn, nor do I think you should be.”
