“Me?” Darcy leaned against the cellar door. “I answer to no one.”
“Do you not?” Richard challenged.
In spite of there being a measure of truth to his cousin’s words, anger brewed, threatening to boil over into spiteful words. Restraining himself, Darcy hissed, “As much as I love you, Richard, you know not of what you speak. Where you have the freedom to think only of yourself, and do not get me wrong, Cousin, I am pleased that you are able to do this, I have Georgiana’s future to consider. Additionally, I am the master of hundreds whose lives would be affected by one foolish decision on my part. I cannot be cavalier, following the path of my own contentment without consideration of others.”
His cousin’s chin dropped. “As always, you are correct. You have encumbrances that I do not have. Nevertheless, you are smart enough to realize that prior expectations should not be our guide.”
“I agree, Richard. Those principles you spoke of are always at the back of my mind. Where there are many similarities between us, you have always acted upon the idea that experience is the best teacher. I disagree. The best teacher is observing the path others take to learn from them, either avoiding their outcome or sharing in the same joy. From our ancestors and our peers, I understand the risks of an unequal attachment. My father was a wealthy landowner, yet in my mother's mind, he was littlemore than a farmer. She was Lady Anne, the indulged daughter and sister of the powerful Lord Matlock family. Because of this, Father quickly learned that the only way to have a measure of peace at Pemberley was to give in to Mother’s demands. Father adored Mother to distraction, almost worshiped her, never forgetting that he married up. She always knew she held the upper hand. Do not get me wrong. I loved both my parents and never wanted to be brought up by anyone else. Despite this, certain choices they made effectively tied my hands behind my back until there were areas of my life over which I had no control. Would I do any of this to my future children? I will learn from the errors of my parents and will never do the same. The woman I wed will be my partner in every sense.”
Richard twisted until he stared at Darcy’s profile. Determined not to flinch, Darcy continued to study the others in the room, though his eyes kept slipping to where Elizabeth slept.
“Darcy, you are correct. Our circumstances are different enough that the steps we take moving forward cannot be the same. I should have thought of this earlier since I felt the same about the men serving under me as you do Georgiana and Pemberley’s servants and tenants. Therefore, I will adjust my plea to merely beg that you allow your own happiness and that of your future family to be an influencing factor in whatever decisions you make. Will you at least do this for me? Or, rather, for yourself?”
“I shall.” The promise came easily, considering who would be his wife. It did not come easily when he thought of others who factored in his life’s choices—his parents, who started him on this course, and George. Always Wickham!
CHAPTER 20
Elizabeth had no idea how long she slept. Nor was she certain what woke her. In that hazy period when her brain was gathering all the information it needed to become fully engaged, she took stock of her surroundings. The candle in the sconce lighting where Mrs. Hammond slept burnt out. The other barely flickered, providing little light. After an evening of dancing, being packed into the corridor during the most frightening part of the storm, and being rumpled from sleeping on the floor, none of them would look their best. Patting her hair to make sure it was mostly still in place, Elizabeth ran her tongue over her teeth, desperately wishing for tooth powder and a brush.
“Are you awake?” Jane whispered over the sound of the men’s (and some of the women’s) snoring.
“I am.”
As soon as Jane sat up, the warmth at Elizabeth’s side where her sister had been resting cooled. Pulling the blanket tightly around her, she covered Lydia, who was still draped against her right side.
“I have been thinking,” Jane began, only to pause. “Lizzy, I…I am afraid that I have been wrong in my opinions.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“I am afraid that our mother’s influence has been too far-reaching. To her, any man would do for a husband. I see it in Kitty and Lydia’s attitude that anyone cloaked in a uniform is an adequate potential husband. Lydia told me what Mr. Darcy said about her deserving a better outcome. I cannot help but think he is correct.”
Her heart quivered at the mention of his name.
“Dearest Jane, you deserve the best of men.” Elizabeth’s love for her cherished sister was genuine for Jane was one of the most selfless people of her acquaintances. The beauty of her face and form paled against her sterling qualities.
“Do I? Lizzy, do not think I am asking for compliments for I am not. My purpose is far deeper than soothing my vanity. You see, earlier, when we were in the corridor, I stood next to Colonel Fitzwilliam. For the short time we were at the far door, he fretted. That was until Mr. Darcy summoned him to stand alongside him to aid in our protection. Even in the darkness, I could feel his relief at having something to do. Lizzy, I knew then that, like Mr. Darcy, he was willing to put himself in danger to keep us, who are almost strangers to him, alive. That, to me, is a real man. Therefore, I have been measuring each man in this cellar alongside Mr. Darcy and the colonel.”
“What have you concluded?” Elizabeth held her breath, fearful that her favorite sister was turning her affections to the one man who had already stolen her heart.
“My first subject was Mr. Bingley, a kind man with a happy disposition. Lizzy, I am afraid that he did not measure up. You see, he allows his sisters to manipulate him. When Miss Bingley overreaches, only Mr. Darcy puts her in her place. And where was Mr. Bingley during the worst of the storm? As host, it was his responsibility to see to the safety of his guests. Yet, he abdicated that task to Mr. Darcy and his cousin. Instead ofseeing to our needs, he did not even wake from his drunken stupor to welcome us to the cellar. I fear that were I to marry him and have a family, should a disaster befall us, his first inclination would be to hide behind my skirts for his own protection.”
What? Jane no longer wanted Mr. Bingley?
Jane added, “As well, should it not have been one of the Bingleys who provided care for Lydia? Now, I am not saying that Lydia was not responsible, for she was. However, where was their offer of aid? Had not Mr. Darcy and his valet stepped forward, our sister would still be mired in misery, suffering the ridicule of Mr. Bingley’s sisters. Instead, the skin of her face is freshly washed, and her hair is adorable. Do we have any of the Bingleys to thank? Not at all. For the first time in her young life, Lydia was treated with kindness and respect by a man. Mr. Darcy and his valet are to be praised, not Mr. Bingley.”
“I do not know what to say.” It was unlike Jane to indulge in critical thinking. That was her purview.
“When I next put Mr. Collins up against Mr. Darcy, he failed spectacularly in every way. I fear that whoever he eventually marries, which I do hope will be none of my sisters, he will despise his wife in favor of his patroness. His future wife will spend the majority of her time cleaning up all the tangles he creates, apologizing profusely for the constant offenses he gives from acting without thought. Then, I put our own father up against the two men.”
“And?” Elizabeth’s heart almost skipped a beat. She was torn between a lifetime of adoration and the truths revealed about her father in the last week.
“Lizzy dear, I know you love Papa and that you are his favorite, but I wonder if you truly see him for the man he is. Or, might you love the man you think he should be?”
Pressing her head against the wall, Elizabeth pondered her words. Musing aloud, she said, “Only recently have Icomprehended that my insight has been wearing blinders. My first impressions and my long-held impressions have been in error. Surely, everyone noticed my blindness. Where I judged myself as being intelligent and witty, I found the truth to be that I am a young lady with little exposure and understanding of the real world. Papa is not without weakness of character, something I failed to recognize because of the excellence of his caustic sarcasm. I confused his biting tongue with discerning wisdom, the fool that I am.”
“Lizzy, do not berate yourself.”
“I must. For I have recently been the victim of his unguarded tongue when he spoke against me in anger at our mother. His words finally revealed to me what resided in his heart. The truth is that he respects me no more than he does every other female in our household. I am just as ignorant and silly, in his opinion, as Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. After a lifetime of judging my own worth by his affection, I am left with no foundation under my feet.”
