The question hung in the night air between them. Richard’s fingers clenched and unclenched against the rail, and Darcy could see him struggling with internal barriers that looked remarkably familiar.
“She is…impressive,” Richard admitted.
“In what way?”
“In every way.” The words seemed to escape against his will. “Her intelligence, her courage, her practical wisdom, her character, her… Well, I could go on and on. She sees situations, asking the right questions before offering insights that would not occur to men with twice her formal education.”
Darcy waited, recognizing the signs of a man wrestling with feelings he wanted to suppress.
“She told me about her background,” Richard continued. “Her father was a gentleman, though an impoverished one. She was brought up as a lady, but circumstances limited her prospects. When she married Captain Bell, it was not a love match at first. They had known each other since childhood. Although he was almost a decade older than she, both families expected the union.”
“It became more than a duty?”
“She told me she grew to love him, though the constant fear of loss nearly destroyed her. Navy wives live with the knowledge that each goodbye might be permanent.” Richard’s voice caught. “When he died at Trafalgar, she was devastated. Unlike many women who retreat into grief, however, she honors his memory by living the life they had planned together.”
“Hence her acceptance of Mr. Gardiner and Captain Morrison’s offer.”
“Yes. There was no income beyond whatever her own efforts could provide. Yet she speaks of these years, not as a hardship, but as an education. She found joy in unexpected places.” Richard’s tone held a note of wonder. “She has made a life for herself that she enjoys both for its blessings and for the proof of her own strength.”
“It is evident that you admire her achievements.”
Richard’s hands stilled. “I admire everything about her. She has seen more of the world than most men, survived more challenges than most soldiers, and yet sheremains generous and kind. And?” He stopped himself, as if realizing how much he was revealing.
“And you are frightened by the depth of your feelings for her,” Darcy said.
Richard’s head snapped toward him. “How do you know?”
“I recognize the symptoms. You watch her when you think no one is observing. You light up when you speak her name. You find excuses to be near her while simultaneously maintaining a careful distance.” Darcy spoke with confidence. “These are the same things I experienced. Realizing that I cared so deeply for someone that her opinion of me had become more important than my own comfort?it was terrifying.”
“I am a soldier,” Richard said roughly. “I am trained to face danger without flinching. But the notion of revealing my interest to her and seeing pity or polite rejection …” He shuddered visibly.
“What if, instead, you saw acceptance?”
“Then I would have to decide whether I can offer her the kind of life she deserves.” A heavy weight seemed to settle on Richard’s shoulders. “She has built an independent existence for herself with freedom to travel and make her own choices. She can come and go as she pleases. What do I offer that compares to such liberty?”
Darcy put careful thought into his answer. “Maybe you should not be asking what you can offer her but what the two of you might build together. Mrs. Bell has created happiness for herself despite challenging circumstances. Do you not think she would embrace affection if it were offered?”
“Perhaps.”
“She could be looking for someone whose company enhances her happiness instead of constraining it. A man who offers partnership over protection, respect over rescue.”
“You seem to have given this much thought.”
Darcy shook his head. “In truth, I am learning as I go. Having said that, I can add that this is the same difference I sense between my relationship with Elizabeth and my familial relationship with Georgiana. With my sister, it is all about protection. With Elizabeth, it is so much more. I yearn for her to have a full share in every part of my life. With her, I would be complete.”
Richard absorbed this advice. “When did you become so wise about affairs of the heart?”
“I could have lost the woman I love because of my own pride and fear. I have learned that revealing our feelings is not nearly as risky as allowing fear to prevent us from finding happiness that might otherwise be possible.”
“You and Miss Bennet…what do you think is possible now?”
Darcy’s heart filled with quiet joy. “Everything, I hope. Marriage, a lifetime of shared discovery and mutual understanding.” He paused. “What do you hope might be possible with Mrs. Bell?”
Richard swallowed hard. “I suspect that it will be the same, though I hardly dare admit it.”
“Are you brave enough to discover if she shares your dreams, Cousin?”
“I might be. However, you have known your lady for over six months, while I have only now started to know Mrs. Bell. I am too old and experienced for a mereholiday or shipboard romance. I imagine she might feel the same. I will consider your advice, Darcy.”
