“Shit.” Sam shook her head. “That’s horrible.” She couldn’t even imagine how someone could do that to their child. Yeah, Nadine Weaver hadn’t taken the news very well, but Sam didn’t believe she would have hurt Alex physically like that. Her own mother had been the epitome of understanding. As an unwritten rule, they never talked much about Sam’s orientation or dating life, but she had known in her heart that her mother only wanted her to be happy. After all, all she and Sam had was each other.
“So.” Alex shrugged her shoulders. “We became a couple.” She was silent for a few moments as she fiddled with the lid on her coffee cup. “Mostly, it was to appease his father. I went to a few functions with them. We said that we were seeing each other. But then Scott’s father saw him talking to another male ROTC cadet, nothing sexy or romantic, just casually discussing drills that weekend. And he flipped out again. And he wasn’t just physically threatening. This time, he swore that he’d ruin Scott’s career in the military. And he had the clout to do it. Scott was my best friend, and I wanted to protect him.”
Sam sat silently, staring down at her coffee cup. Her thoughts were racing, and a dozen questions were running through her mind, but she sat, stunned and unable to say a word.
“We got married about six months later,” Alex continued after nearly a minute of silence. “After graduation, Scott was deployed overseas, where he has mostly been ever since. It was an arrangement that worked for both of us. He got his father off his back. I became somewhat redeemable to my mother.” She let out a bitter scoff. “After all of those years, I still wanted that.”
Sam sat in shocked silence. Of all the things to come out of Alex’s mouth, this was the last thing she expected. She supposed Alex’s revelations should have made her feel better. But her heart was breaking for the other woman. The thought of Alex in a virtually loveless marriage for the last nine years made her sad. It also made her angry. It could have been her with Alex if things had just been different. But Alex had taken herself down a path that hadn’t included Sam. Suddenly, a question sprang to Sam’s mind. “What about Sophie?”
“What about Sophie?” Alex looked confused.
“How did you…” Sam’s voice trailed off before she could form the question.
“How did I conceive, you mean?” Alex regarded Sam with slight amusement. “Of all the things you could ask me right now, that’s what you choose?”
Sam had the grace to look sheepish. She flushed slightly and shrugged.
“Artificial insemination,” Alex explained. “Scott and I both wanted children. But neither of us wanted to do what needed to be done to have them. Well, with each other, that is. So, we went to a doctor.” She turned to look at Sam. “It was pretty easy, really.”
Sam nodded. She didn’t know what else to do. She was still slightly floored by everything Alex was telling her. After all these years, she finally had answers to the questions that had plagued her. The realization that none of this had anything to do with her or what had gone down with Alex and her mother was somewhat comforting. But one question had been weighing on her since she’d heard about Alex’s return home.
“Why the divorce?” She searched Alex’s face for an answer. “I mean, you were married for nine years.” But this time, Alex wouldn’t look at her. She stared down at the table and the cup in her hands. She was quiet for so long that Sam didn’t think she would answer.
Finally, she looked over at Sam. Unshed tears wet her eyes. “It gets to be so hard,” she whispered, finally pulling up to meet Sam’s eyes. “It’s so hard to live a lie.”
Alex’s eyes searched Sam’s face for some reaction, but Sam didn’t give her one. After several long seconds, she picked up her coffee. She drained it in a few long gulps and pushed herself up from the table. She stood looking out the window over the sink. She didn’t know what to say or what to do. “I think you’d better go,” she finally said. “I have to finish packing and get to the airport…” Her voice trailed off.
Alex slowly rose to her feet. Sam still hadn’t turned to look at her. “Can we talk about this?” Her voice was timid, but hopeful.
Sam exhaled heavily, then pivoted to brace herself against the kitchen counter. Her eyes searched Alex’s face, and a little pieceof her heart broke at the mix of emotions: hope, sorrow, and a bit of guilt, and once again, Sam felt a little Alex-sized chunk of ice around her heart thaw, her resolve weakening around her.
After a long minute, she nodded slightly. “This is going to be a long week, but let’s connect when I get back.”
Alex’s expression brightened, and relief slipped over her features. “I’ll take what I can get,” she softly replied. She reached out a hand, as if to touch Sam’s arm, but the expression on Sam’s face must have deterred her, because she dropped it just as quickly. She studied Sam for a long moment before spinning on her heel and walking out the door.
Chapter Nine
As Sam looked out the airplane window, she realized that a trip back to the city couldn’t have come at a better time. That morning with Alex had been a lot to take in. All the events of the past few weeks had been a lot to take in. She had spent years believing one thing, and in a matter of a few days and even fewer conversations, she realized that everything she thought she knew was wrong, or if not wrong, then more nuanced than she had thought. And not just about Alex, though that was the biggest shock. No, she had been mistaken about her town, community, and former friends. Sam knew she tended to dwell too much in the past. That tendency had shaped her actions since she left Hicksville. Now that the truth seemed to be out, she didn’t know what to do with it.
Sam sighed again and then turned her attention back to her laptop. She’d known she would have to make this trip back since she headed home two weeks ago. She was supposed to have been working on her presentation in between working on the house, but with all of the unexpected distractions, she hadn’t made as much progress as she would have liked. She was disappointed in herself. For years, she had worked hard at her job. Sure, it wasn’t exactly what she had pictured herself doing when she graduated from college, but it was interesting work. She was good at it. Most importantly, it paid her well, allowing her to send money to her mother every month and still live a very comfortable life. Now she had the opportunity for a promotion, provided she could get through a hectic week with the presentation, client meetings, and the board meeting at the end ofthe week, which would be the icing on what was going to be a very long week. Sam was already exhausted just thinking about it.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat.Just for a minute, she told herself. She really should be using this time to work. But her thoughts inevitably drifted toward Alex, like they had been doing nearly every three minutes since she first laid eyes on her two weeks ago at that volleyball game, replaying every interaction and conversation they’d had countless times, agonizing over any hidden meanings she might have missed.
There was no question that Alex had been Sam’s first love, and people say you never really do forget that. Sam thought back to when they both realized there was something more between them than friendship, their first kiss, and the conversation that had followed.
Suddenly realizing what she was doing, Sam pulled back from the kiss. She opened her eyes wide immediately, anxious to gauge Alex’s reaction. Something twisted in her chest. Alex was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen, and Sam had just been kissing her. Her blond hair was softly tousled. Her lips were plumped to a deep shade of pink and slightly kiss-swollen. Her usually icy blue eyes had turned to something darker and more turbulent as they moved over Sam’s face. “You’re so beautiful.” Sam heard the reverence in her voice.
Who had initiated it? She couldn’t recall who leaned in first. They had been batting the possibility around for the past hour with long glances, subtle touches, and this new game where they asked each other hypothetical questions, like “What makes a kiss a kiss? Is it the sound, the touching, or the intent?” They were acting like typical adolescent teen girls, refusing to show vulnerability to each other.
Sam didn’t have much experience to compare it to, but she knew that kissing guys didn’t make her feel like that. Kissing Alex felt like nothing else she had ever experienced. It felt real. It felt natural. It felt like the most right thing on earth.
I don’t care what this is.” Sam’s tone was firm. “I don’t care if it means that we’re gay or if you end up being the only girl I ever kiss.All I know is that right here, right now, I want to kiss you again.” Sam’s heart hammered in her ribs as she waited for Alex’s response.
“I want that, too,” Alex whispered. She leaned in, and their lips met again.
Sam felt a shiver at the memory. Her thoughts drifted back to Saturday night. Until the conversation had turned serious, she really thought that Alex in that blue sweater might have come very close to being the death of her. There was no denying it—obviously, she still found Alex extremely attractive. Who wouldn’t? The woman had an effortless, down-to-earth beauty that time had only enhanced. All the guys at the bar had been stealing glances at her, and still, like in high school, Alex was clueless to the attention.
When the plane touched down, she powered on her phone and was surprised to see a text from Alex already:Thank you for listening. How about dinner when you get back?
