Sam shook her head. Alex sure was persistent.
Sam debated her answer as she waited for the plane to taxi to the gate.What do I want?This was the first time she had asked herself that openly. On one hand, she wanted to see Alex again. Alex had done nothing but support her since they reconnected. They had been friends before and could be friends again. And she really could use more friends.
On the other hand, she felt like seeing Alex again might open a whole can of worms that she didn’t know if she was ready for. She still found Alex attractive, and if her looks and comments were anything to go by, Alex maybe felt the same way about her. But she was only going to be home for another few weeks. She couldn’t afford to get attached. She needed to keep things strictly in the friend zone. She would have to tread lightly.
This is going to be a rough week. Can I let you know when I get back?
The dots to indicate Alex was typing back appeared briefly, then disappeared. Finally, a single thumbs-up emoji came through. Sam watched her phone for another minute, hoping Alex would say more, but no response came. A throat clearing behind her signaledthat it was her time to disembark. She put the phone in her pocket with an enormous sigh and made her way down the row.
Two days later, Sam was ready to crash or head back to her mother’s house, where even dealing with the growing tension with Alex felt like less work than work. She had spent all of Monday catching up on email. After being out for only two weeks, she had over seven hundred unread emails. And that was after keeping a close eye on things remotely so she wouldn’t fall too far behind. After doing some inbox triage—filing away the items that didn’t require her attention and flagging all the emails that still needed a follow-up—she still had eighty-three emails staring at her. She also returned over a dozen voicemails and spent another two hours checking in on clients she hadn’t communicated with during the past two weeks. She was exhausted and still had to finish her presentation for Wednesday. How was this her life?
She knew she should be working, pushing through to the finish line. Instead, she was sitting in the semi-dark in her one-bedroom condo, staring out the window at the city in the distance. The place was quiet, but not in a way that made her feel relaxed. This silence felt lonelier and more suffocating. Everything was immaculately clean and uncluttered, but not because she was a neat freak. No, it was more because she had so little that was worth leaving out. Her couch was an uncomfortable mid-century knockoff she had gotten during a holiday sale. The coffee table was polished and gleaming, with not even a remote control in sight. Even her kitchen, with its quartz counters and stainless-steel appliances, felt like it was straight out of a staging room. The only things with personality were a few framed photos of her and her mom, and several etched-glass globes she had gotten at work for hitting sales targets.
She sighed and reached for her phone, thinking maybe a drink would help get her out of her funk. But then she realized she didn’t have anyone to call. Most of the people she knew had been friends with Tegan first. After the breakup, they chose to stick with her.With a long, shuddering breath, she realized she didn’t have any real friends in Boston she could call. She dialed Jordan instead.
“Sam. Where in the hell are you?”
Sam smiled at Jordan’s greeting. “I’m back in Boston,” she explained. “Work.”
“For how long this time?”
“About a week.” Sam got up and headed to the fridge. What she wanted to talk to Jordan about required beer. She pulled out a bottle, popped the top, and then wandered back to the sofa. She leaned back against the cushion and put her feet on the coffee table. “I get back Thursday night.”
“And how are things on the home front?” Jordan’s tone was light.
“It depends.” Sam stalled. Even though she had been the one to initiate the conversation, she was still trying to figure out exactly how she was feeling about everything. “Do you mean this home front? Or that home front?”
“Why would I care about what’s happening in Boston?” Jordan asked, calling out her deflection. “What is ever happening to you in Boston? Nothing. All you do is work!”
“Okay, okay.” Sam laughed. He really did know her too well. She took a swig of her beer and thought about where to start.
“I’m waiting.” Jordan prodded after a few moments.
“Did you know her marriage was a lie?” she blurted.Why not get right to the point?Sam thought. Jordan’s stunned silence on the other end of the line was all the answer she needed. At least he hadn’t known and kept it from her. After all, he had been Alex’s friend as well, and judging by the way they greeted each other at the volleyball game, it was clear that they had stayed in touch.
“What do you mean, it was a lie?” Jordan finally asked, switching over to FaceTime. “I don’t get it.” His face was scrunched up in confusion.
So, Jordan didn’t know. “Alex and I met for a drink the other night.” At the expression on his face, she gave him a look. “Nothing happened,” she said uncertainly. “But it was clear that she had something on her mind.” She paused, collecting her thoughts. “Thenshe showed up on Sunday before I left. She finally mentioned her husband—or her soon-to-be ex-husband—and I couldn’t take all the dancing around the issue any longer. So, I asked her to tell me about Scott.” Sam paused and thought back to their conversation a few days ago. She was still struggling to absorb everything Alex had told her. Putting it into words to Jordan was proving to be much more difficult than she thought it would be.
“And?” Jordan prodded again. “What about Scott? Please don’t tell me…” His voice trailed off for a second. “Please don’t tell me that he…”
“No, no!” Sam quickly interjected when she realized his train of thought.
“Whew.” Jordan breathed. “I mean, I met the guy once when they were in town. He seemed exceptionally nice. He was military, so he had manners, but he didn’t seem like the violent type. He was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, though. Tall, fit, with blond hair and eyes almost as blue as Alex’s. I remember thinking they’d make beautiful babies.” He looked chagrined. “No offense to you, of course!”
“None taken,” Sam murmured wryly. She would be the first to admit that Sophie was an adorable kid.
“I mean,” he continued. “It’s not like the two of you could even…well, maybe with a donor, of course…but then…”
“Jordan.” Sam’s sharp tone brought him up short.
“Right.” Jordan sheepishly took the hint. “So, what did she tell you about Scott?”
Sam rolled her eyes at her friend. Finally, the conversation was back on track, for now. “He’s gay,” Sam blurted. She waited several moments but received no response. Even his face remained impassive. “Jordan,” she pressed. “Did you hear me? He’s gay.”
“He’s what, now?” Jordan sounded suspicious.
“He’s gay,” Sam repeated.
