“I know.”
“You saved my life.”
“Yes.”
“You also forced your way into me.”
Joe flinched. “Yes.”
Another pause. Kaden stared at his feet. “Both of those things are true and I’m not sure my head knows what to do with that.”
Joe nodded. That was fair. More than fair.
After a moment, Kaden shifted, lowering one foot until it rested lightly against Joe’s thigh. The contact was tentative, almost accidental—but it was contact.
“Don’t go yet,” Kaden said, eyes still fixed somewhere far away. “I’m not saying I forgive you. I’m not saying I won’t hate you tomorrow. But if you disappear right now, I think I might fall apart.”
Joe’s chest tightened painfully. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
“Good,” Kaden murmured. Then, quieter, “And Joe?”
“Yes?”
“If you ever go inside me again without asking… I will be really pissed off.”
Joe managed a weak, shaky smile. “Okay.”
Kaden leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I’m exhausted.”
Joe stayed at his feet, exactly where he was, keeping watch as the world slowly, painfully reassembled itself around them both. He was tired too, but he didn’t know whether Kaden would want him in the bed. He needed to tell him about Harris and Gash and Lanu but that could wait until tomorrow.
“Shall I sleep on the floor?” Joe whispered.
“Don’t be stupid.”
They both used the bathroom and Joe let Kaden get into bed first. He tried to leave a gap between them, but Kaden wrapped his arms around him and Joe melted against him. He still wasn’t sure if everything was going to be all right but being held was a good start.
When Joe woke the next morning, Kaden was already up and dressed.
“I have to go and see Alistair.” Kaden picked up his laptop.
“Can I come?”
“And tell more lies? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Joe tried to keep his face neutral, though disappointment flared in his chest. Alistair had already been told the lie about Joe being from Afghanistan, that he’d applied for asylum on that basis. He’d wanted Alistair to see he was no threat to Kaden. But he kept quiet. Silence was something he was learning too.
After Kaden had left, Joe showered and got dressed. Maybe it wasn’t that Kaden didn’t want him to go to Alistair’s, more that he needed space as Joe had thought last night. Still, Kaden’s absence rattled him more than he liked. The protectiveness, that constant readiness he’d had in his other form, that would fade, wouldn’t it? Or would it be there forever? Maybe it wasn’t a remnant of his former self but a development of his feelings for Kaden.
Love.Am I able to love?Despite their conversation about love, Joe didn’t know if that was what he was feeling.
Learning how to be human would be an endless process. He still didn’t understand crying. Or why some people turned to violence when words failed. He was learning how to want without immediately acting on it. And maybe he was learning how to love. Could Kaden ever love him back?
The bang on the door made him flinch. It wasn’t Kaden because he had a key. Maybe Harris. Joe was tempted to ignore it but the bang came again, along with a voice edged with irritation.
“Open this door right now or I’ll use my key. I know you’re in there.”
Not Harris. The landlord?
