“Renza…”
Her voice was weak, and I was already on my feet.
I walked in there and saw her sittin’ on the toilet, lookin’ down between her legs with her face twisted up in pain.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
I stepped closer and looked in the toilet, and I ain’t gon’ lie, that shit hit me different when I really seen it for myself.
It was blood sittin’ in the toilet thick, mixed with dark clots that ain’t look like nothin’ light. For a second, I just stood there starin’ at it, knowin’ exactly what I was lookin’ at even if I ain’t wanna say it out loud.
I stood there, takin’ it in, then I snapped out of it ’cause she was hurtin’. And at the end of the day, this was my responsibility.
I was the one that fucked her raw, and the one that got her pregnant. So regardless of what me and her was now, I couldn’t just sit back and let her deal with this shit by herself.
I grabbed some tissue and helped clean her up, movin’ careful so I ain’t make the pain worse for her. She winced a lil’, and I slowed down, talkin’ to her low.
“I got you… just hold on.”
When I was done, I flushed the toilet behind her and helped her stand up. I grabbed a fresh pad and helped her get situated, then wrapped my arm around her and walked her back to the livin’ room.
“Nah, you lay over here,” I told her, guidin’ her to the longer sofa instead of the recliner.
She ain’t argue. She just let me help her down, pullin’ the blanket up over her while she curled up on her side.
I sat down beside her, restin’ my hand on her leg, rubbin’ it slow just to keep her calm.
Her body was shakin’ a lil’ now, and I could tell she had chills, so I pulled the blanket up higher and kept my hand on her.
“Just breathe,” I said. “You a’ight.”
She nodded weakly, but she ain’t really talk.
As I sat there, I couldn’t even lie to myself. This whole situation had me fucked up.
Reni was right here goin’ through it, and I knew I was supposed to be here with her. I was the reason she was even in this position, so it wasn’t no way I could just leave her to deal with this shit by herself.
But at the same time, I couldn’t get Sha’Nelle off my mind, especially not after the way we had just locked in and spent that whole week together. Now this shit had me sittin’ here feelin’ like it was already startin’ to put space between us before we even really got a chance to see what we could be.
I ain’t like none of this shit or the position I was in. I ain’t like the way it was pullin’ me in two different directions, and how it felt like no matter what move I made, somethin’ was gon’ come with it.
At the same time, a real nigga wasn’t gon’ run from shit he created, even if it cost him somethin’ he actually wanted.
Greystone City
One week later…
I couldn’t believe I was really sittin’ here in my damn feelin’s over Renza, but at the same time, I couldn’t even act like it ain’t make sense, ’cause he’ll, to me it did.
It had been a whole week since we really talked for real, and even though he had been callin’ and reachin’ out, I just ain’t been pickin’ up like that, ’cause somethin’ in me had already started overthinkin’ and I wasn’t about to ignore it.
It wasn’t even no argument between us or nothin’ like that, and that’s what made it worse, ’cause there wasn’t nothin’ really to be mad about. It was just the situation sittin’ there between us, and the shit was quiet but loud at the same time. Reni bein’ pregnant, him bein’ over there with her and him stayin’ overthere longer than I felt like he should’ve… that was the part that kept playin’ in my head no matter how many times I tried to brush it off.
I understood why he went. I understood why he stayed at first, ’cause I wasn’t the type to stop a nigga from doin’ what he supposed to do, especially when it comes down to somethin’ like that. But after a while, it stopped feelin’ like just him doin’ what he needed to do and started feelin’ like… I don’t even know. Like maybe he still had somethin’ there with her that I ain’t have no business standin’ in the middle of.
And that’s what made me pull back…
Of course, I wasn’t gon’ be loud or dramatic about it, but I just… I moved different.
