“I am,” I murmured, but my voice didn’t sound like mine.
My arms felt heavy, and I didn’t have the strength to lift them the way I wanted to, while my chest tightened just enough to make every breath feel shorter than the last.
The room didn’t spin, but something still felt off, like everything around me was moving slower than it should have been while I was trying to stay alert.
I could still hear them talking, and I could hear my baby crying. I could feel Pressure moving behind me, but none of it felt as close as it should have.
It felt like my body was starting to give out on me, piece by piece, and I didn’t have control over it the way I was supposed to.
That was when it really hit me that wasn’t right.
“Pressure, call the paramedics,” Auntie Treasure said, and this time there was no softness in it. It was urgency.
“What?” he snapped, panic breaking through now. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Call them now,” she repeated, her hands still working, trying to stop the bleeding. “She’s losing too much blood.”
My head fell back slightly, my vision going in and out as I tried to focus on something… anything.
Pressure’s voice was louder now, and sharp with panic as he moved around the room, grabbing his phone.
“I got you, baby. Just hold on,” he kept saying, his voice shaking now even though he was trying to hold it together.
After a while, I could feel his hands on me, trying to keep me grounded while everything in my body started drifting further away from him.
I wanted to respond and tell him I was okay, or at least make it sound like I was, but the words wouldn’t come out right, andthe more I tried to focus, the more it felt like I was slipping somewhere I couldn’t fully control.
Everything around me started to feel distant, like the room was still here and they were still talking to me, but it wasn’t reaching me the way it should have. All could really hold on to was the sound of my husband’s voice and the way he kept saying he had me. The whole time, my body got lighter and lighter.
TrillCare Medical Center
I ain’t know what the future held for my wife, and all I could do was stand in the hospital hallway feelin’ useless as hell.
They had her on the stretcher, pushin’ her past me fast while they was talkin’ over each other, and I caught a glimpse of all the blood on her before they turned the corner and took her from me. I couldn’t do shit but stand there while they disappeared with my wife, while Auntie Treasure was right behind them holdin’ my baby and tryna keep up, callin’ out instructions and keepin’ her voice calm even though I knew she saw how bad it was.
One minute she was in the tub bringin’ my baby into the world, and the next minute it was blood everywhere and voices movin’ too fast for me to keep up with, and I could still hearmy baby cryin’ behind me while everything else was fallin’ apart in front of me. Before I could even process what the fuck was goin’ on, they was pullin’ her away from me and tellin’ me I couldn’t go with her, and all I could do was turn back and see my daughter in Auntie Treasure’s arms while my wife was gettin’ taken from me.
I don’t even remember what I said. I know I was talkin’, and I know I was askin’ questions, but none of that shit mattered ’cause nobody was givin’ me nothin’ solid to hold on to.
All I knew was Pluto was bleedin’ real bad. That alone had my heart breakin’ in a way I ain’t never felt before.
I ain’t do hospitals, and everybody knew that. I ain’t like sittin’ around waitin’ on somebody to tell me what the fuck was goin’ on with somebody I loved. I was used to bein’ the one in control, the one makin’ calls and fixin’ shit, but there wasn’t nothin’ I could fix right now.
I pulled my phone out with shaky hands and called my mama ’cause I ain’t even know what else to do, and when she answered, I ain’t even try to hold that shit together.
“Ma… they just took Pluto in the back. She bleedin’ bad,” I told her, my voice rough while I paced the hallway like a caged animal.
She ain’t panic like me. She just asked me which hospital, told me she was on her way and to stay right here, and I needed that ’cause my mind was already driftin’ to a place I ain’t wanna go. It was goin’ to a thought I couldn’t even fully sit with, ’cause the idea of Pluto dyin’ on me ain’t even sound real enough for me to accept it.
I ran my hand over my head and tried to breathe, but every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was her in the tub, her face goin’ pale while she told me she ain’t feel right, and feelin’ like I should’ve caught it sooner. I should’ve did somethin’ different. I should’ve…
I shook my head hard ’cause I was startin’ to spiral, and I couldn’t afford that right now.
Time ain’t even make sense no more. Minutes felt long as hell, and every time them double doors opened, my heart jumped up into my throat hopin’ it was somebody comin’ to tell me somethin’ about my wife.
When my parents finally got here, my mama had my baby in her arms, wrapped up and quiet. For a split second I looked at her, but I couldn’t even let myself stay there ’cause my wife was in the back fightin’ for her life.
My pops walked up on me and grabbed me by the back of my neck, pullin’ me in close, and I ain’t even fight it. I let him hold me a second ’cause he already knew what it was with me.
