It felt like everything I built, and everything I loved, was sittin’ behind them doors and I ain’t have no control over whether I was gon’ lose it or not.
After what felt like forever, a doctor finally came down the hallway, and I swear my legs almost gave out the fuck out.
I pushed off the wall and walked toward him, but my body felt off, like I wasn’t all the way there.
“Are you her husband?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said quick. “Yeah, that’s my wife. She good?”
He nodded, and that one movement alone damn near took me to my knees.
“She’s stable,” he said. “She had what’s called a postpartum hemorrhage. She lost a significant amount of blood after delivery, but we were able to stop the bleeding.”
I swallowed hard, tryna keep up with what he was sayin’ while my heart was still beatin’ out my chest.
“We gave her medication to help her uterus contract and slow the bleeding, and we also had to give her fluids and blood to replace what she lost,” he continued. “She responded well. She’s going to be okay.”
I nodded fast, wipin’ my face with the back of my hand ’cause tears had already slipped out and I ain’t even realize it.
“She awake?” I asked.
“She will be shortly,” he said. “You can see her once we get her settled.”
I nodded again, thankin’ him even though I ain’t even know what I was sayin’, and as soon as he walked off, I bent forward and put my hands on my knees, tryna pull myself together.
I ain’t never been that scared in my life, and it wasn’t even about me, it was about my wife, and everything we built together. The thought of losin’ Pluto and bein’ left here to figure this shit out without her ain’t even sound real to me.
When they finally let me go back to see her, my chest was tight all over again, but this time I wasn’t about to crash the fuck out.
My wife was alive…
When I walked into the room and saw her laid up in bed, hooked up to machines, pale and tired, it hit me all over again just how close I came to losin’ her.
I walked over slow, like if I moved too fast, somethin’ would go wrong. When I finally got to her, I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her carefully, holdin’ her close while I pressed my face into her neck.
“Baby…” I said low, my voice crackin’ ’cause I couldn’t hold that shit in no more. “I love you. I love you so much.”
She started cryin’ too, her hands comin’ up weak but still reachin’ for me, and I kissed her face over and over, not even carin’ how I looked right now.
“I’m sorry,” I told her, shakin’ my head. “We ain’t gotta do this shit no more. I’m done with that. I ain’t puttin’ you through this again.”
She nodded, cryin’ harder now, and I wiped her tears even though mine was still fallin’ too.
A lil’ while later, my mama and pops came in with our baby, and when my mama placed her in Pluto’s arms, the room changed in a way I can’t even explain.
Pluto looked down at her, cryin’ and smilin’ at the same time, and I stepped back for a second just watchin’ them together, takin’ in the fact that my family was still here and still breathin’ after how close I came to losin’ everything in one day.
My pops came up behind me and pulled me into him again, and I ain’t fight that shit either. I needed that.
When I finally stepped forward, I reached down and picked my daughter up, holdin’ her carefully while tears kept slidin’ down my face.
I looked at her for a second, really takin’ her in, and then I kissed the top of her head.
“Hey Isley,” I said low. “Daddy love you.”
I held her close and looked over at Pluto, and in this moment, I knew one thing for sure…
I had to tighten the fuck up.
