“I’m okay now,” I whispered. “I really am.”
My voice cracked a lil’ at the end, but I meant every word ’cause despite every horrible thing that happened to me growin’ up, I really was okay now.
I had Kay’Lo, and the way he loved me made it hard to even remember what loneliness used to feel like sometimes. I had My’Love, too, my beautiful baby who depended on me for everything, and somehow in the middle of all the pain my life started with, I still ended up with a family and a home of my own. I felt safe more than I felt afraid, and that alone was enough to make emotion sit heavy in my heart.
Eventually, I reached back for Kay’Lo’s hand and intertwined my fingers with his while still holdin’ My’Love on my hip. Then, we started walkin’ back through the cemetery together, and even though my chest still hurt a lil’, it wasn’t the same kind of hurt I used to leave here with.
This time, it felt bittersweet instead of empty.
When we finally made it back to the truck, Kay’Lo carefully buckled My’Love into her car seat while she blinked up at him all tired and quiet.
Then, he walked around to my side and opened the passenger door for me. Before I got in, he grabbed my face and kissed me while holdin’ me another second longer than usual.
“You good, baby?” he asked.
I nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
He looked at me for another second like he was makin’ sure, then kissed my forehead before helpin’ me into the truck.
Once he got in the driver’s seat and started pullin’ away from the cemetery, I leaned my head back against the headrest and stared out the window while the graves slowly disappeared behind us.
I let out a low sigh and rubbed my fingers together in my lap while I watched the city pass by outside.
As emotional as this trip had been, I was ready to go back home now. I was ready to go back to Trill-Land, back to our life, and back to the place where me, my husband, and my baby felt the most safe together.
For the past month, me and Reni had been locked in like a muthafucka. And I ain’t even gon’ lie, that shit felt good in a way I wasn’t used to sayin’ out loud.
I had been showin’ up when I said I was gon’ show up, answerin’ my phone when she called, and actually movin’ like I had some sense about somebody else’s feelins besides mine. It wasn’t forced either. A nigga just… wanted to do right by her.
Reni ain’t make it easy all the time, though. She still had her lil’ moods and them moments when she would fold her arms and look at me like I was really doin’ somethin’ wrong. But I learned how to deal with the shit.
I would pull her in, kiss on her, or just let her get her shit off until she cooled down. Half the time she wasn’t even mad for real. She just needed to feel like I was payin’ attention to her.
I had been takin’ her out more too on real dates, and not no last-minute pull ups or none of that lazy shit I used to do. I had been pickin’ her up on time, openin’ her door, takin’ her somewhere nice, and actually sittin’ there with her, talkin’ and listenin’ to all the shit she wanted to talk about.
I wasn’t halfway doin’ it. When I was with her, I was with her. Phone down, attention locked in, lettin’ her talk, jokin’ with her and makin’ her feel me without her havin’ to ask for it. That shit mattered to her, so it mattered to me.
And when we got back to her place, I wasn’t playin’ with it either. I made sure I was givin’ her what she really be needin’. I took my time with her, havin’ her laid out, kissin’ all over her body, suckin’ on her neck, her titties and draggin’ my tongue down her stomach slow just to hear how her breath start changin’ on me.
I kept them legs open, lickin’ all on her pussy, takin’ my time with it, lettin’ her feel every move of my mouth while she be grabbin’ on me, tryna hold still but can’t. A nigga stayed sittin’ right between them thighs, eatin’ her up until she was shakin’ and cussin’, pushin’ on my head but still wantin’ more at the same time.
Then when I slide that dick in her, I don’t just be fuckin’. I be in that shit deep, makin’ her feel every inch of me before pickin’ up the pace up and knockin’ her down. I be talkin’ to her while I’m in it too, low in her ear, tellin’ her how good she feel and how that pussy mine while I got her pinned under me, and she be meltin’ every time.
By the time I be done with that ass, she don’t be sayin’ too much after. She just lay there, all soft, body loose, lookin’ at me like she don’t even know what to do with herself, and I already be knowin’… I did that.
Today we was goin’ to her parents’ house for lunch, and I ain’t make nothin’ out of it. I told her what time to be ready, got myself together, and pulled up how I was supposed to.
The whole drive over there, she kept fixin’ herself in the mirror, checkin’ her hair, her lips and her outfit like she ain’t already look good. I peeped it but ain’t say nothin’. I just reached over, grabbed her hand, and rubbed my thumb across it.
When we pulled up to her people house, I cut the engine and grabbed my keys, sittin’ here for a second.
Her pops, Roman Harper, designed the whole damn house, and you could tell just by lookin’ at it. Everything just lined up the way it was supposed to, from how the space opened up to where everything sat.
That architect shit wasn’t just somethin’ he said he did. It showed.
I glanced over at Reni while she was unbucklin’ her seatbelt, calm as ever, like this was just another pull up for her, which it was.
We got out the car, and I grabbed her hand as we walked up the driveway. I brought it up and kissed the back of it real quick before we stepped inside.
