If he wasn’t interested in putting her first—if that was really such a problem—let him go to the country.
Prudence would be just fine on her own.
CHAPTER 34
“Your Grace, you really must open the door. You have to eat something eventually, you know.”
Prudence sighed and pressed her hands to her face. Forty-eight hours had passed since she had retreated to her room—forty-eight hours during which she assumed her husband had left the house and left her behind for good. Whether she would ever see him again, she didn’t know.And it’s probably for the best if I don’t.
But Mrs. Mills had pestered her every few hours since Leonard’s departure, and it had been infuriating. She didn’t seem content to leave Prudence in peace.
Of course, she’s right that I’m going to have to eat something.Prudence’s traitor stomach complained at the bad treatment she’d put it through. It had been easy to ignore her hunger for the first day, but now, she really did find herself wanting something. With a sigh, she got up and went to the door.
As she had expected, Mrs. Mills was carrying a tray of food. There were carved up bits of turkey, cheese and fruit, wine, and tea. Anything she might have wanted was here for her.
She picked up a piece of bread and nibbled at it carefully, mindful of the fact that she hadn’t eaten in days.
“How are you feeling, Your Grace?” Mrs. Mills asked solicitously.
“All right, I suppose,” Prudence murmured. “I’m sorry to have caused you worry, Mrs. Mills. I know I can’t just stay in here all the time.”
“It’s understandable that you would need a few days to adjust to the change in your circumstances,” Mrs. Mills assured her. “No one thinks any the less of you for that.”
But they did, of course. The staff were only human, and Prudence knew they must be whispering about her. Even if the whispers were not unkind, things would be said about the duchess, about her great sadness at the loss of her husband. Prudence wondered whether the staff would be surprised he had gone. Were they shaking their heads, saying how they had thought she and Leonard were starting to get along so well and that they couldn’t believe it had all fallen apart? Or would they be more surprised at the thought that she had ever believed he might stay with her? Had they all been expecting this outcome right from the beginning?
“Is there anything else I can do for you right now, Your Grace?” Mrs. Mills asked.
“I don’t think I need anything,” Prudence murmured.
“Because you must remember that everyone here is loyal to you, Your Grace. Everyone here serves you, first and foremost. We may have been hired by the Duke, but even he made that much clear before he took his leave—our loyalty was to be to you and to remain so always. That will not change. Everyone here is on your side and is here to do all we can for you.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Mills,” Prudence said with a sigh. “It really does mean a great deal to me. I know I’ve been a bit… under the weather.” She laughed heavily at her own light-hearted description. The moment didn’t feel light at all. “I never dreamed I would care so much about him leaving,” she said. “I thought it was what I wanted for the longest time, and I’ve only recently come to realize that I never wanted it at all. I never wanted him gone. I don’t know how I could have believed that.”
“Forgive me if I’m too forward, Your Grace…” Mrs. Mills began.
“No, you may as well be forward now,” Prudence said. “I don’t believe there’s anyone else in this house who will speak truth to me now that His Grace is gone, and I want to hear it from somewhere. Say whatever is on your mind. You’ll hear no reprisals from me. In fact, I’ll be grateful for it.”
“Yes, Your Grace. I only wondered… it seemed to me, and to some of the rest of the staff downstairs, that you and His Grace had gotten a bit… closer lately. That something had changed between the two of you. We thought you might be on your way to a real marriage. This has all come as a bit of a shock. But, ofcourse, you know more about what was going on than any of us do, and for that matter, you aren’t obliged to tell me anything at all.” She blushed. “Hearing myself say all this, Ihavebeen quite forward, haven’t I?”
“I invited you to speak,” Prudence reminded her housekeeper. “And what’s more, you aren’t wrong about any of it. I thought we were getting closer as well, particularly after the most recent ball. I thought we were going to be… Well, I don’t know what I thought. Regardless, it’s clear now that I was wrong to think it.”
“But that’s just it, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mills pressed on. “Forgive me, but I’m not sure if you were wrong at all. Remember, I’ve known His Grace for a very long time. I know him quite well. Hehasbeen different these past few weeks since you came into the house. Seeing the two of you together… it’s as if life has been breathed back into this place. I never thought it would be like this here again. I truly believed that we were about to see a side of him that has never shown itself before.”
“I’m sorry,” Prudence said softly. “I’m sure everyone was very much looking forward to that. I wish I could have brought it out in him. I tried to.”
“No, you have nothing to feel any regret about, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mills said. “Heaven knows you did as much as anyone could have asked. And you didn’t even know him. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for you to accept what he told you on the very first day you were here—that the two of you would never be close to one another and that there was no point in trying for it. You never did accept that. You pushed him.”
“I pushed him away. He might have come around if I hadn’t made things so difficult for him.” She sighed. “But I suppose I couldn’t have controlled that either. If I had just sat here waiting to see if his mind would ever change, if he would ever decide that he wanted to let his walls down, I’m sure it would never have happened. It nevercouldhave happened. If he was going to change, he would have done it a long time ago.”
“That’s right,” Mrs. Mills agreed. “You had to try. You had to give your best effort to let him see what he could have with you. You would never have forgiven yourself if you didn’t even make the attempt, Your Grace. And you would always have had to wonder what might have been, and that’s the last thing anyone should have to suffer. This way, even though it isn’t ending the way you hoped, at least you have that answer. At least you know that you did all you could.”
“You’re very wise, Mrs. Mills,” Prudence observed. “I wonder if my husband understood just how wise you were.”
“He wasn’t the one who hired me, so I couldn’t say,” Mrs. Mills said. “But I like to think I gave him something he was able to see value in.”
“I’m very sure you did,” Prudence murmured. “At any rate, I’m deeply grateful to have you with me now. At least I have someone I can talk to—someone I can confide in—and that means I won’t be nearly so lonely and bored as I might have been.”
“You know, you don’t need to be lonely and bored, Your Grace,” Mrs. Mills said. “Begging your pardon.”
