“He was very odd about their relationship,” I say through numb lips. “He was far too possessive of him.”
“I know. I said it all along. But think, Xavier.” I look up when he puts his hand over mine. “You know Reuben. He’s loyal and will put a friend ahead of his own well-being without a second’s thought.You?” He shakes his head. “He’d have lain down and let Jez run him over without any hesitation if he thought it might help you. Reuben would have watched his own world burn for you. And he did.”
I feel sick. “Why?”
“Because he was in love with you.”
I blink. “Even then?”
“Of course he was. He fell hard and fast and never recovered. You’re the love of his fucking life.”
I stand up in agitation, and the stool topples over. “He was so in love with me, yet he did what Jez wanted? Just like that.”
“No, I would imagine it took a lot of soul searching. Sit down, please,” he says calmly. I slowly lower myself onto the stool. “Cast your mind back and put yourself in Reuben’s shoes. He was suffering from PTSD and being forced to go back into the job that caused it. He goes with his best friend to meet his friend’slong-lost son, and you turn up. You’re bold and beautiful and far too young, but he can’t keep away from you, and the guilt over what he’s doing is eating him alive. He falls so quickly and completely for you, despite being tormented by all the reasons to stay away. He’s too old for you, he’s damaged by his job, and being with him is going to cost you the family he thinks you’ve waited all your life for. What wouldyouhave done, Xavier?”
I shake my head, trying to refute his argument, but I can’t. “He could have told me.”
“Jez extracted a promise from him not to tell you, and a promisealwaysbinds Reuben. He takes his word seriously.”
I rub my eyes. I’ve been aware of many of Reuben’s reasons for ending things for years, but hearing Grey spell them out so clearly—and hearing about what an absolute shit Jez was to Reuben—allows me to see it all in stark relief.
Reuben honestly thought he had no choice but to end things. And so for me, it was very much a case of falling in love with the perfect man at the shittiest time.
I look up at Grey. “So, he decided to ditch me and jumped straight into bed with you?”
“No.” The word is loud enough to make me startle. He gives me a weak smile. “Think,” he urges. “Do you really think he would have done that?”
I bite my lip. “No,” I say slowly. “It’s the thing that never made any sense and what made me the angriest. The Reuben I knew then and now would never have been so cruel. If I’d considered it, I’d have thought he’d just sack me off gently and send me on my way. That’s why it fucked me up to find you naked in each other’s arms. I couldn’t get that image out of my head.”
“We didn’t shag each other,” he says urgently. “Not then and not for many months before that.”
“So why were you naked?”
He sits back in his chair. “I came to the hotel because I was worried about Reuben. He sounded odd in a phone call we had. Odd enough to make me drive over. I saw Jez and he encouraged me to see Reuben in his room, telling me Reuben would be pleased to see me. Jez talked another key for Reuben’s room out of the receptionist, and I used that to get into Reuben’s room. He was very surprised to see me when he arrived. Shortly before you did.”
I blink in shock. “Oh, my god.”
“What?”
“Jez gave me the key to Reuben’s room as well.”
His eyes narrow. “I thought I heard you mention it at the time, but it was all rather fraught, so I never thought anything more of it.” He whistles. “What a busy boy Jez was.”
“So that’s how you got naked. How did Reuben lose his clothes?”
“He was soaking wet. He was at the funeral when Jez gave him the ultimatum. He said he’d been walking for hours trying to work out what to do. He was taking his clothes off to get dry when you walked in. Reuben saw your horrified reaction, and he took the awful opportunity to break things off. Quickly and permanently. I have to say I didn’t approve then, and I don’t approve now.”
“I hate Jezsomuch right now,” I say harshly.
“Not Reuben?”
I look up at him startled. “No, not anymore.” I shake my head. “I haven’t hated him for a long time. Maybe I never really did.” I grimace. “I knew I didn’t mean anything to Jez so I never expected him to treat me well, but Reuben was his bestfriend. How could Jez do that to him?”
“I always thought he wanted him for himself but couldn’t admit it,” Grey offers. “He was so possessive of him.”
I groan and lower my face to the counter. “This is like some sort of plot to a soap opera,” I say into the granite. My brain’s become mush, and I feel dizzy over how quickly my whole worldview has been upended. It’s difficult to be utterly convinced of something for years and then have it turn out to be completely wrong.
“Xavier.”
