I stare at him. “No, you’re wrong. He’s so much more than that, Jez. Youhaveto see that.”
“I don’t have to see shit,” he says, smacking my hand away when I reach for him. “So, you carried on fucking my son. You covered that up between the two of you. I bet you’ve been laughing behind my back all this time.”
“Never,” I say fervently, following as he moves away. “Never. You must know that. You know I’d never do that.”
“I don’t, because apparently there are vast parts of you I don’t recognise anymore.”
“Youdoknow me. I didn’t do this for fun, Jez. I tried so hard to stop it. It’s all my fault.”
He stops and focuses on my face again. After a moment, his eyes widen. “Oh my god, you’re in love with him.”
I bite my lip hard enough to feel the copper tang of blood fill my mouth. “I am. I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. There’s just something about him that is so?—”
“What?” he prompts.
“Mine,” I whisper. And the love is suddenly so pure and big that it feels like it will fill my heart and overflow. “And I want more with him,” I add, and as I say it, I know it’s true. I can’t fight Xavier’s pull anymore. “I know I’m not much of a catch for him, but I want to try.”
Jez’s face has become sheet white. “So, you’ll leave me?” he whispers.
“What? No, of course not.”
“There’s no of course about it.” He sucks in breath. “He’ll take you from me. And soon he’ll have you quitting your job and putting down your camera.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re talking about him like he’s the devil.”
“He probably is. He’s been sent to punish me.”
“Jez, that’s yoursonyou’re talking about.”
He shoves his wet hair back. “He’ll win in the end. You’ll see.”
“There is no winning. I’m not a goldfish at a fair,” I say, trying for lightness, but he carries on staring at me. His eyes are busy with something. I think it’s calculation, but he blinks and clears his expression before I can work it out. And now he just looks cold and shut down.
“Never mind. You have to finish with him.”
It takes his words an age to travel from my ears to my brain, but I still don’t understand him. “I’m sorry. What?”
He nods. “Yep. Finish it. I don’t care whether you do it hard or soft.”
“You don’tcare?”
He ignores me. “He’s my son, Reuben. I’m prepared to overlook you fucking him, but I don’t want you to see him again.”
“Why?” I say through numb lips.
“Because you’re wrong for him. So wrong.” He pauses and then says coldly. “If you don’t finish it, I’ll cut him off.”
“What?”
He nods, his face cold and determined. “You heard me. I’ll cut off contact with him. I’ll never see him again.”
“He’s your son.”
“That hasn’t stopped you so far.” His eyes burn in his face. “And you know what that’s like, don’t you, Reuben? How much did you missyourdad?”
“Stop it,” I whisper, but he carries on, his voice remorseless.
“Xavier has no one apart from his grandparents, who are getting on. Are you prepared to cost him his relationship with me? What happens if they die? He’ll be alone. No Monique for him.”
