He looks around the table.
“I’m grateful for the people in this room. Carolyn. My brother. My friends.” A glance down the table at Robert. “My oldest friend.”
Robert is nodding in the corner of my eye. Then Stanley grips his shoulders and slightly shakes him.
My dad pauses and looks at me. “And I’m grateful for my daughter.”
He stares at me for a moment.
“I’ve always been proud of her. I want her to hear me say I’ve been particularly proud of her this fall. The decisions she’s made.” He lifts his glass. “Cheers.”
The table lifts. The table says cheers. The table drinks.
He sits.
Twenty seconds, maybe, start to finish.
And the room moves on. Beth makes a soft aw. Uncle Pete pats my mother on the shoulder. Margaret laughs at something Stanley says to her. Inside ten seconds, the conversation has closed back over the top of it like water over a stone.
I don’t move.
I’m the only person at this table who knows what just happened.
No.
I’m one of two people at this table who know what just happened.
I look across the table.
Stanley is looking at me. His face is doing nothing at all.
I breathe in through my nose and pick my wine back up. I send my father, down the length of the table, the small, practiced smile I have been sending him my whole life.
He nods and smiles back.
He goes back to his brisket.
He didn’t mean my work. He didn’t mean the report. He didn’t mean the master’s I’m applying for. He meant the man across from me.
He stood up in front of fourteen people and said he was proud because of who he thinks I’m dating. I knew he always loved hockey, but this just shows me how much the sport always comes first. The man is obsessed, and maybe this is what Aunt Lisa means. If I become my mother, then I become second to the sport.
I waited so long to hear my father tell me those words, and I got it for a lie. Under the table, Aunt Lisa’s hand comes down on top of mine.
I look into her eyes.
“Your mother has said nothing but good things about the boy.” She leans in further. “I only speak for myself, Aspen. You should know this about me.”
I nod and squeeze her hand.
Uncle Pete starts telling another story while everyone makes their plates. I add brisket, turkey, mashed potatoes, and every single side that I can reach in front of me. I’m going to be stuffed after this. My mother is correcting Uncle Pete on a detail. Beth is laughing at the correction. The room is a good time with my family. I take my first bite, and my phone buzzes against my thigh in my lap.
I don’t look down right away, and then I can’t help it. Maybe it’s Kirra or Bree.
Ermington: You okay?
I don’t answer it or look up. I pick up my fork and take a small bite of turkey and cornbread.
It buzzes again.
